Disclaimer: This article is published under the Charlatan’s satire section, the Partisan. All quotes and names have been fabricated.
At 11:34 a.m. on March 10, Carleton student Cart Ographer exited the scientific testing facility codenamed “Mackenzie Building.” They were the first known human to ever accomplish this feat.
The facility, conceived as part of a series of cruel and controversial scientific tests on the effects of dizzying labyrinthian design on the student psyche, was disguised as a simple engineering building to ward off ethics committees.
“It was the strangest experience,” Ographer said of their accomplishment. “I was greeted at the door by four, or maybe five people wearing white lab coats and writing on clipboards. When they were done with their writing, one of them patted me on the head and handed me a chunk of cheese.”
Though the findings were vital to their research, some “Mackenzie Building” testing staff believe they will now need to modify the facility for future tests.
“I guess it wasn’t confusing enough after all,” threatening mad scientist-type Eye-eat Khidz said. “I’ll see to it they add a few more locked doors, a couple unexpected stairwells, maybe another helicopter hanging from the ceiling. Before you know it, those rats—I mean, students—will be losing their way again in no time.”
Featured Image by Spencer Colby.
