Casual sex can be a hell of a lot of fun. But it can also go very wrong, very fast. It’s like one of those choose-your-own adventure books. When you’re navigating a casual sexual encounter, one wrong decision can lead to total awkwardness, miscommunication, or chlamydia. I’ve had my fair share of one-night stands—some fun, some regrettable. So here’s my advice to anyone who wants to jump into bed with a partner they just met.
Protect Yo’self
When it comes to one-night stands, what or who you don’t know can hurt you. You meet someone and five drinks later, you’re making out in the cab home together. Ideally, get your friends to screen the lucky winner before you take him or her home. Tell your friends where you’re going. It can be nerve-wracking to go over to a stranger’s place, but if you end up doing so, tread carefully and trust your gut to leave if something feels off.
Wrap it up
Use protection. You basically picked up a random from the bar, club, or party and decided, hey, I’m gonna do you. That’s cool, but you don’t want to deal with more than just regret that sticks with you into the future. Trust no one—I don’t care if they say they’re clean or they’re taking birth control. If you don’t want to share a child or a sexually transmitted infection with this stranger, make sure of it. Also, don’t forget to get tested for infections on a regular basis, for both your protection and theirs.
Come first and ideally, multiple times
For all you know, this is the one and only time you will see this person. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had happened with one-night stands. Expectations are minimal, you’re probably both drunk, and it can be a really fun learning experience. Toss aside your inhibitions and enjoy the sex. You’ve both already made yourselves vulnerable in front of a complete stranger, so why hold back now? Ask for what you want and what gets you off. Try a new position. If your partner just isn’t getting it, take matters into your own hands and demonstrate. Seriously, the idea of someone having unsatisfying missionary sex in any scenario breaks my heart. But one-night stands can be spontaneous and exciting—the sex should be too.
Shut your door and shut your mouth (when there’s people in the room beside you)
Most university students have roommates. When you stumble in with your pal for the night, please remember this. Text them a warning beforehand if you’re in a clear enough state of mind to do so. Keep the noise at a minimum, stay out of common areas, and close your bedroom door. If you share a shower with roomies, it’s probably not a good idea to have sex in it. If you make yourself obnoxious, they get to make fun of you the next morning.
Cuddles are cool. Sleepovers, too
I don’t care if this is the last time we see each other. I let you inside me, I want some cuddles afterwards. If you subtly hint that it’s time for me to leave, you’re a douchebag. We slept together, you can tough out the three hours left until sunrise, and then we can part ways. That’s my personal rule when it comes to one-night stands. You might have different ones, and that’s totally okay, too. Maybe you hate cuddling and sleepovers. If both of you feel the same way, then roll out of bed and out the door after the deed is done. But PLEASE be sensitive of your partner’s feelings. Yes, it was casual sex, but no, this does not mean they don’t deserve respect. Keep in mind that a one-night stand leaves many people feeling vulnerable. You don’t have to hang out with the person in the future, but stay over and say a proper goodbye in the morning if you sense that’s what they want. That’s my understanding of casual sex etiquette.
