There is no doubt that a relationship consists of more than just physical touch, but sex can bring you closer to your partner. What does that mean in a time when we are all self-isolating in our homes and practising physical distancing?
The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC) published guidelines on sex and COVID-19 back in April. The guidelines say that your safest options are pleasuring yourself through masturbation or getting frisky with a consenting partner in your household. But what about the many of us who do not live with our partners?
Hornier by the day
My boyfriend and I started dating in October. Before the pandemic, my plan was to stay in Ottawa all summer and his were to return home. We knew we’d be spending most of the summer apart, but there was also the potential to visit each other. However, COVID-19 changed our plans and brought us both back home. Now we are only 45 minutes apart, but there are so many restrictions that prevent us from seeing each other.
It has been a difficult transition because physical touch is very important to us. As a couple we are very active in the sheets, but we don’t just have sex to have sex. Sex is a meaningful and intimate part of our relationship and we both feel that it strengthens our bond. Never have I felt as vulnerable and natural and at peace than when I am lying next to him in bed after making love.
Writing this, it has been over 80 days since we’ve seen each other in person. We find ways to stay connected: daily Facetimes, virtual coffee dates, Netflix Party, among other virtual activities. My passion for him is just as strong, but 80 days without him touching me has been painstaking.
Virtual sex and other options
‘But there are ways to have sex virtually, aren’t there?’ Oh, there are, and I’m pretty sure we’ve tried them all. From sexting, to sending pics, to full-on phone sex — we’ve been there. These obviously aren’t up to par with the real deal for anyone, but for me they are particularly disappointing.
All of the ways to have virtual sex require any physical touch to come from yourself. Self-pleasuring is not my thing for various reasons. I don’t have any toys to experiment with, I can’t seem to use my fingers correctly, and I feel like I am doing something morally wrong (the stigma surrounding female masturbation is a whole issue in itself). In sum, nothing compares to what my partner can give me physically.
Changing COVID-19 measures
Many young adults probably question whether seeing their partner is deemed essential. According to the SOGC, physical distancing should be practised with anyone — even a partner — who lives outside the home.
As of June 12, the Ontario government is allowing social bubbles of 10 people who do not have to follow social distancing with each other. However, it is still recommended that you do not enter someone else’s house.
A passionate encounter
After 80 days of being apart, my boyfriend and I met at a park. We met up intending on keeping a physical distance. But, being apart for so long, this felt impossible. For the eight months we’ve been together, we’ve spent three apart. Being reunited with him after so long was painfully awkward. Standing next to me was the man I love, and yet I was shy and insecure again. This is what our time apart did to us.
So, what did we do? He gave me a hug and a kiss, to remind me that he was the same man I love. At this point I couldn’t get close enough to him. We needed to show each other that we still felt the same way about each other, but we went a little too far for a public place.
Obviously, there are many other issues surrounding what we did. Not only did we not physical distance, but we were also in public. We could’ve been caught. We put ourselves at more than one risk.
Mitigating risks and ethical implications
Despite some missteps, there are things we did do right. Both him and I told the families we live with — sex part omitted — that we broke physical distancing measures. Everyone we come into contact with knows that we were also in contact with each other. Both of our families were ok with this additional risk, as long as we were being reasonable about staying safe and not attending large gatherings.
I’m not going to tell anyone whether or not to have sex with their partner regardless of their living situation. We are in a very twisted situation, but there are some key things to think about. Primarily, both partners need to be truthful about any other contact they’ve had and whether or not they have any symptoms.
It also brings your private life to the forefront of the attention of others. Not only is it between you and your partner whether you are going to become physically close, but it is only responsible to discuss this contact with those you live with so that everyone understands their risk. I’m not saying you need to tell your parents the details of your sex life, but I did just tell you I had sex in a park. So, c’est la vie.
Featured graphic by Sara Mizannojehdehi.
