Re: “‘Fuck safe space shirts’ prompt apology, Sept. 11-17
Over the past few weeks there has been considerable attention put on Carleton after students were photographed wearing shirts saying “Fuck Safe Space.” A lot of the backlash against these students came because they were seen as contributing to rape culture. This may be so, but this only scratches the surface of a problem that goes much deeper at campuses all across the country.
During Queen’s frosh week I had a more personal experience that was not as news-worthy as the incident at Carleton, but still speaks to the problem.
I had recommended to a first-year student that he should take gender studies at some point during his degree. His immediate response was to ask if I was joking, and the student looked stunned after I told him I was not.
I do not blame the student for questioning me. Perhaps he thought I was attempting to get him to admit interest in the subject to then threaten his identity or sexuality, making him feel shame. Ironically, it is because of this kind of instilled fear that I had encouraged him to take gender studies in the first place.
Masculinity has become a dirty word. Not because of man-hating feminists, but because of the violence and rape culture that the social constructs cause all on their own. Traditionally, and unfortunately contemporarily, masculinity is about strength and dominance. It seems as though men are in a constant battle to gain the upper hand over each other, to demonstrate that they are the alpha.
The way masculinity is currently framed, especially on campuses, a man is encouraged to have sex with several (female) partners in order to be seen as a dominant “real man.”
Men are taught to compare themselves to each other based on their sexual exploits, bragging about their “kill count” as if sex is a hunting game in which the player with the highest score wins, never mind the violent implications of those comparisons.
This type of masculinity contributes to rape culture because it encourages and pressures men to seek out sex at almost any cost, but also to ignore or accept those behaviours in our peers. Consider the shooting at the University of California Santa Barbara earlier this year, where the gunman declared outright and repeatedly for the world to hear, that his actions were due to perceived sexual rejection.
If we are to truly to stop rape culture then as men we must challenge our assumptions about masculinity and sex.
Sex is not a game with winners and losers, but a shared experience between two enthusiastically consenting adults. Masculinity can continue to be about strength, but strength can be about much more than physical power or strength over another.
Strength can mean the willingness to speak out against the majority, to challenge destructive norms, and to show compassion even in the face of rejection or our peers. This is the strength that men need to show.
