I’m a feminist, and so are you.
If we define feminism as calling for the “equality of the sexes,” it’s easy to rally behind. As Emma Watson acknowledged in her recent speech to the UN, feminism has too often come to be associated with man-hating.
Many are hesitant to identify as feminists because of this pejorative connotation. Feminism needs to be reunderstood and its message rebranded if it is to gain mainstream traction.
Feminism isn’t just for women. It’s for men too, and not just in the sense that men have a responsibility to be respectful toward women. For every woman whose personality or ambitions are limited by sexist double standards, there’s a man who suffers in silence because who he is and what interests him doesn’t conform to what society expects of a “man.”
Each of us is conditioned to fear the consequences of challenging the confines of our gender role. That’s why most insults target a person’s failure to conform to gender expectations.
Boys and men are burdened by gender norms just as much as women are, something that is too often overlooked because too few men are willing to be open about their own sensitivities in order to participate in the feminist discussion.
That needs to change.
In response to Emma Watson’s speech, feminist writer Mia McKenzie criticized her for suggesting that feminism has been unwelcoming to men. McKenzie argues that men’s unwillingness to embrace feminism is not because they haven’t been invited to the party, but because men benefit enormously from patriarchy in many ways, and have little incentive to help end gender inequality.
McKenzie discusses how Watson’s claim that men are also imprisoned by gender stereotypes is flawed because it makes men the centre of attention in a discourse intended to liberate women from sexism.
It is of course true that the patriarchal status quo benefits men enormously and unfairly.
But feminism shouldn’t be exactly the way that McKenzie promotes it, either. Feminism shouldn’t be about overcoming men, it should be about overcoming hegemonic masculinity.
Feminism should emphasize values such as care, empathy, and tenderness. While it is perfectly praiseworthy to oppose injustice, by adhering to such an aggressive shade of feminism one loses sight of the forest for the trees.
Feminism shouldn’t just be angry or aggressive because its aggressive versions have, in some cases, alienated people. As Friedrich Nietzsche put it, “if you stare long enough into the abyss, eventually the abyss begins to stare back into you.”
In order to dismantle patriarchal structures, we must start by placing greater emphasis on challenging the dominant masculine narrative that pressures men to hide their feelings.
Rather than acting as a reactionary force that pushes back at patriarchy’s oppressiveness, feminism needs to be reunderstood as a way of lifting off the chains of patriarchy by encouraging men to abandon their reticence. Our culture should reward communication of our feelings instead of stifling it.
You’re a feminist because you experience human emotions and you don’t want to be called a coward for showing them.
Being a feminist doesn’t have to mean ‘kicking ass.’ It just means being real.
