You’ve made it. Peace, mom. Hello freedom, amirite?
Not quite, 18 year olds. Alcohol is not yet yours.
For that, Hull beckons.
And TABARNAK! Soon your time will come to cross the bridge to the dark side. To Hull, Quebec’s fountain of youths. Oasis of Ottawa first years, hunting ground of Gatineau’s horny middle-aged.
Each Hull experience will be . . . something special.
It could be making out with a 30-odd-year-old who might as well be Hodor from Games of Thrones until 3 a.m., not finding a cab home, walking barefoot across the bridge and peeing yourself halfway back to campus.
It could be spending the night at Le (insert bar name ici) constantly unsticking your feet from the beer-soaked, puked-over floor while gyrating against a handsy Hulk Hogan lookalike. Then popping out for a smoke with the seniors biker gang parked on the curb, before catching the bus to Rideau Street’s never-disappointing McDonald’s.
It could be entirely unmemorable (HA!).
Just remember, Hull is a point of no return. You’ll never *ever* return once you don’t have to.
So while you’re there—and you have to go, it’s a real-deal rite of passage for first years—tread carefully. And follow these 10 simple tips to enjoying a Hull lot of fun.
1. Try to blend in with Hull’s Francophone flair. Scream “C’est la vie!” at the top of your lungs and laugh like “honhonhonhon” every time you trip walking out of the bar. Locals love it.
2. Bring extra nickels for tipping. Bartenders in Gatineau are known for giving extra good service to people with beaucoup de bucks. Plus that jingle in your pockets is a real-life tambourine soundtrack to your night. Ladies dig it, too.
3. Any bar that starts with “Le” is a good bet. Any bar that starts with “Les” is total shite.
4. If the DJ won’t play Nelly Furtado or K’naan upon request, leave immediately. It’s probably a separatist bar.
5. Designate a semi-sober navigator before leaving campus. It’s cute showing up in Kanata on your first OC Transpo run to Gatineau, but only the morning after.
6. If you’re walking back to Ottawa, pee before crossing the bridge. You can probably put two and two together on this one.
7. Ask for the beer menu at the club. Most Gatineau bars are not only known for their insatiable dance vibes, but also for their vast selection of craft brewskis.
8. Channel your inner Body Break legend (Hal Johnson or Joanne McLeod, up to you) and tell every person puking in the bathroom to “stay safe and have fun.” Be a role model!
9. Theme nights are all the rage in La Belle Province. Friday in Hull is “Under the Sea” night. And there are free drinks for the best costume—so dress to impress!
10. For that inaugural Gatineau night out, pre-game, but don’t pre-game too hard. It hurts like hell and you’ll see a lot of shit, but you’ll want to remember that first time.
Bonne chance, mes amis!
