“Yes, I’ll have a Long Dark Voyage to Uranus.”
No, the sentence I just uttered was not a proposal for anal sex, although that would be an awesome way of saying it –but that’s for another blog post.
It’s beer, actually. And let me tell you, ordering that in a bar is pretty funny. At first I tried pointing out my beer selection on the menu, but the server quipped, “What, you’re not going to say it?”
Gone are the days of plain Jane lager names, and in are the days of puns and dirty references. The activity of ordering a beer has now become a game of who can say the drink name with a straight face.
Craft brewers are getting competitive with creative beer names, aiming to stand out from your average stout. The puns for India Pale Ales alone are enough to fill an entire book: Robohop. Audrey Hopburn. Hops and Robbers. Hoptical Illusion. The champion in punny names is definitely Great Lakes Brewery, with the likes of Harry Porter, Body Dubbel and my personal favourite, Ice Hole. Reading their beer list is sure to result in ample giggles.
From puns to just plain weird and mystical, Bellwoods brewery in Toronto has an affinity for beers with odd names. Think Monogamy, a single hopped beer (hah single, get it?), to Witch Shark and Wizard Wolf, which sound like Mortal Combat characters. And if you think the names are funny, wait until you see the bottle artwork. Witch Shark is a depiction of, well, a shark riding a broom.
Or maybe you fancy a glass of the Princess Wears Girl Pants by Sawdust City, the same brewery that came up with that long dark voyage. Speaking of which, there’s also a Bloody Long Dark Voyage to Uranus, for the more adventurous (sounds painful). In reality, this beer is the same imperial stout as the original with a hint of raspberry. Geez, get your mind out of the gutter. But while we’re on the subject of minds in the gutter, my all time favourite brewery name has got to be Bush Pilot. I giggle every time I say it.
The real question is: are these beers just funny fodder, or are they actually good for, you know, drinking?
I would say mostly yes. Long Dark Voyage to Uranus is wonderfully smooth and rich in taste. Another hilariously-named brew, Revenge of the Ginger by Double Trouble, is equally tasty. As for Bush Pilot, they avoid things getting hairy with excellent brews, like their barley wine Stormy Monday.
The exception is to this is the Great Lakes Apocalypse Later. Although a great name, it tastes like paint thinner and is one of the worst beers I’ve ever had.
But even if the beer tastes awful, it at least makes for an interesting story. Your friends will be like, “You drank what?!” So when in doubt, try the beer with the weirdest name.
