Film RollNoah

Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Distributed by Paramount Pictures

The movies between the Academy Awards and the summer blockbusters are usually boring, comedic, clichéd films made mainly for cheap laughs and quick entertainment. But Darren Aronofsky (director of Black Swan) instead decided to take on a story from the Bible and add his own dark flare to the Genesis chapter.

Religious or not, everyone knows the story of Noah and his Ark—God decided to flood the world and asked Noah to create an Ark and fill it with two of every animal to repopulate once the flood was over.

Apparently, most people didn’t know this story involved huge explosions, bloodshed, attempted murder, and an increased need for therapy for the audience.

Before I saw this film, I’d heard a lot of religious complaints about its authenticity as it attempts to retell the Bible story, so I went into the film expecting a Hollywood flick rather than a religious sermon. Instead I was greeted with one of the most depressing films I’ve ever seen in my entire movie-watching career.

As poetic and intelligent as many biblical dramas are, Noah takes the cake and poisons it with arsenic and Jesus’ tears.

If you have a weak stomach or a big issue with animal cruelty—as many of us do—you might want to skip this one as it takes this religious story, brings it to life and swallows you whole.

With a former gladiator (Russell Crowe) and a former Hogwarts grad (Emma Watson), you’d think Noah would have been better off. At least Aronofksy was, with this awesome crew. Crowe and Watson both steal the spotlight, bringing tears to my eyes and putting a hole in my heart.

This film redefines biblical apocalypse. If you love explosions, blood, and gore on a biblical scale, this film is for you.

For others, the film will cross the line between drama and sickening horror film. Do we need to see animals torn apart? Or women fed to hungry people? Aronofsky skates the line between creative drama and Rob Zombie splatter so tastelessly and unrealistically it threatens to overwhelm the film’s authentic look.

The CGI for the film is amazing, the animals look real enough to consider getting PETA involved and the gore makes you squirm uncomfortably.

If you want something to take your mind off exams, this will do that for you. However, for most people, this is one film where the book is definitely better than the movie.