Disclaimer: This article is published under the Charlatan’s satire section, the Partisan. All quotes and content have been fabricated.
After years of friendship, two pillars in Ontario politics are prepared to join in matrimony.
The epic love story of Ontario Premier Doug Ford and Canadian evangelical Christian leader Charles McVety is turning heads on Queen’s Park as the new power couple unveiled their secret affair to the public on Wednesday.
“The first time I caught a glimpse of the Dougies’ enchanting blue orbs, I knew he was the one,” McVety commented.
Speculation surrounding the pair’s close relationship began last fall when a leaked video of Ford wishing his partner in love and life a happy birthday was leaked. An extended version—which was only made available to the public recently—included Ford’s own rendition of Taylor Swift’s “Love Story,” sung in dedication to McVety.
Despite public support and celebration of the glowing couple, controversy surrounding a conflict of interest has been sparked about Ford’s recent motion to promote McVety’s Canada Christian College to university status.
In a press release, Ford expressed his remorse for attempting to undermine the public with the legislation, explaining he was “blinded by the butterflies associated with new relationships.”
“When you love someone, you aspire to help them accomplish all their dreams,” Ford said through tears at the conference, with McVety’s presence clearly a calming force as he apologized.
Next week, Ontario MPPs will be debating whether the power couple will be known as “Darles” or “McFord,” making special exceptions to hold the debate in person as the Ontario government believes this to be a pressing issue of utmost concern to the public.
Ontario Liberal MPP Kathleen Wynne and her fellow Liberals abstained from commenting, but inside sources have revealed they are indeed team McFord.
Ottawa-Centre MPP Joel Harden expressed his congratulations to Ford and McVety, saying he has “never seen either of them happier.”
“Ford’s outgoing demeanour really compliments and brings out the best of McVety’s stoic composure,” Harden added.
Harden told the Charlatan off the record that if you listen closely the next time you stumble into a Queen’s Park debate of the Canada Christian College legislation, you might be lucky enough to hear the pair referring to each other by their own names in “Call Me By Your Name” fashion.
As he calls his love by his own name, the tenderness in McVety’s voice is evident to any onlooker of this epic romance that will prevail through all obstacles.
The happy couple is planning a spring wedding and expects hints of burnt orange as an accent colour.
