Hi, this is a quick message for all the lovely, well-intentioned guys around campus. Uh, if you’re out late at night on campus and you’re walking somewhere co-incidentally at the same time as a strange girl you don’t know, try to fall back a little bit cuz when you’re following someone at four metres, you may not realize it but they’re having a panic attack thinking about all the ways that they could hurt you with their keys if you attack them. So just for future reference, it would be really appreciated. All love.
BLEEP!
I am completely in agreement with Ben Gardner’s lawsuit against that bar at Carleton here. In fact, I’m so glad that he’s brought this topic because I’m raising a similar lawsuit against uh, Carleton’s library. I believe it provides uh, an atmosphere that, let’s see, it promotes an atmosphere of over-serving books and it fails to ensure that I properly return them on time. So, uh, way to go Ben Gardner. Let’s lead the call, him and I, with our lawsuits, to hell with personal accountability, responsibility and common sense.
BLEEP!
Yoooo, Voicebox. It’s me, I’m the guy from PRC — yeah, People’s Republic of China. I love censorship [says something indiscernible] god damnmit [something else indiscernible] Ann Coulter [something else indiscernible] Carleton anymore, now we got her blocked from coming to Ottawa U. Yeeeaaah, that’s right. No Ann Coulter on campus. We don’t like free speech. We haaate free speech. Go PRC! Go O — wait. Actually, I’m in OPIRG. Shhhhhh . . . Bye.
BLEEP!
So, it’s suit up day here at Carleton. I’m sitting beside a very classy man and one who’s not so much. And I’m drinking a smoothie, which is significantly better than two chocolate milks. That is all.
BLEEP!
Hi Voicebox, I just found a news brief about someone stalking CUSA in Guelph University. I’d just love to know how you have all that extra time in your day. My school work and the rest of my life keeps me pretty busy, so I’d love to hear your tips. Thank you.
BLEEP!
I’m in a cab right now. There’s a car beside us, we’re racing. Race — Race the car! Race the car! We’re winning! We’re winning!
BLEEP!
Hi, so it’s Earth Hour. And uh, you know where I am? In my res room where there’s still power. You know where I was 30 minutes ago? In the library, studying. I would looove to look for my six sources but the library appears to be dark now. And the shelves, well, I really can’t read those little numbers. So, unfortunately I’ve been kicked out. You know what I think of Earth Hour? It fucking sucks. You know why? Cause I like to study. And I would appreciate if maybe, if Carleton, you took a little knowledge. And you didn’t shut down the buildings where everyone was studying and using lights. How about shutting off the lights in Tory where there’s no one? How about shutting off lights elsewhere? C’mon, give me a break, I recycle. I do all that shit. I’d like the power that I paid copious amounts of money for to get. Thanks.
BLEEP!