Despite Hollywood’s glamorized portrayal of marriage between young celebrities in love, the average age for those getting married for the first time is 30, according to Guy Grenier, a marriage counsellor from London.
He noted that while decades ago younger couples may have married in order to have sex and avoid the stigma of an unplanned pregnancy out of wedlock, that reasoning is far less common now.
“There are a lot more contraceptive options [available], so waiting till marriage [to have sex] is not really an issue,” he said.
Another reason people are getting married later is due to the increase in career development for women over the past few decades.
“Women are no longer financially dependent on men,” Grenier said. “They’re pursuing careers and now require the same degree of education as men.”
While these changes in society may delay people from getting married until their thirties, there are still a number of couples opting to tie the knot in their early twenties.
He said that one of the big problems with younger couples is that loving each other isn’t enough to make their marriages work.
“Loving each other is one of the three factors required [in a marriage],” he said. “Love isn’t enough.”
Grenier said research conducted over the last 50 years has shown similarity and good conflict management skills are crucial to a strong, successful marriage has been increasing steadily
“A lot of people believe the old myth that ‘opposites attract,’ ” he said. “Well, opposites may attract, but they just don’t stay together.”
It’s important for couples to have common ground in a relationship, particularly with bigger issues such as spiritual beliefs, degree of ambition, monetary spending and number of children, Grenier said.
He added that the more things a couple has in common, the less they will have to fight about.
“There will be things you disagree about,” Grenier said. “If you don’t have a well-developed set of [conflict management] skills, it’s only a matter of time until conflict escalates to destroy the relationship.”
Experience also plays a huge factor in whether or not a person is ready for marriage. Dating allows a person to learn about what characteristics and traits they want or don’t want in a spouse.
Someone in their early twenties may not have had a lot of experience with relationships and therefore may not know what they want in a potential spouse, Grenier said.
“The longer you’ve been dealing with relationships, the more likely you’ll recognize the importance of having common interests and being able to work through conflict,” he said.
“The younger you are, the less likely you’ll recognize these factors.”
Martin Rovers of Capital Choice Counselling remarked that younger couples may get married because they are no longer afraid of divorce.
“Many [youths] are kids of divorce and have the mentality, ‘My parents went through a divorce, and I’m okay,’” he said. “Divorce is part of their lives now.”
Grenier said that rather than emulate our parents’ relationships, which aren’t always the best example, we should learn about handling relationships in public school at an early age.
He argued that besides teaching youths the skills to communicate and problem solve, they should also learn about gender politics in order to get rid of gender expectations and stereotypes.
“The stereotypes of the past no longer hold,” he said. “You want a relationship with an equal, so you have to take responsibility for your own actions in a relationship.”