So, I’m in love with a porn star.
Up until recently I had been on a porn hiatus. I read online erotica when needed, so my imagination could create the characters to my liking, but I wasn’t watching anything filmed. The sex I was having in real life was stimulating enough.
Or at least it was. Let’s just say that my sexual encounters have been few and far between lately, which is probably why I’m spending a lot more time online.
I came across a video of a young Sasha Grey, an American porn actress, being interviewed on the Tyra Banks Show. Watching Grey purse her lips in irritation as Tyra consistently berated her for her career choice and questioned what deeper issues she was running away from led me to thinking about the men and women who work in porn, and consequently those who watch it.
Google then brought me to the much beloved James Deen, the golden boy of porn amongst teen girls and housewives, who’s carved a niche for himself by being so unlike the stereotypical male performer.
His huge female fan following in an industry catered to men intrigued me. I decided to see what all the fuss was about, and settled into “babysitter fucks her boyfriend while the kids are asleep.”
I was moved. By the ten-minute mark I was a fan, and by fifteen I was in love. The way he moved, looked, and touched his partner seemed, well, real.
Knowing what I look for in both real sex and porn sex, and what apparently many women look for as well, I began to wonder what the fundamental differences were in the porn that men and women were searching for.
From what I gathered from the friends and colleagues who were open enough to give me honest answers (everybody masturbates—even girls, so stop lying), heterosexual women were more prone to amateur videos where an actual couple films themselves having sex, rather than laughable plot lines featuring men with frosted tips and tribal tattoos.
Heterosexual men on the other hand had no issue with simply scrolling through the first page and choosing any which one that caught their eye. Schoolgirls, outdoors, casting couch, whatever—as long as there’s boobs. The physical act alone is enough of a stimulant that they seem to be able to overlook an overdone moan.
After snooping around the dark depths of my friends’ desires, kinks, and fetishes I am gratefully able to include some tidbits of what they have to say on the matter in their own words.
From my male friend, who we’ll call Dan:
“I think porn’s contextual diversity is probably its most alluring quality. You can watch it for what it is, or as a sort instructional video so it possesses educational benefits as well. I find I look for whatever mirrors how I feel that day, for example how frustration might lead to power play or rougher sex.
Porn is a lot like music, as in I’ll watch anything that doesn’t involve truly debasing things and male gay porn, [just like] I’ll listen to everything besides death metal. That being said outdoor, teen, MILF, lesbian, spanking, pool, shower, and 69 would probably show up the most in my search history.”
And from my female friend, who we’ll call Lisa:
“I honestly think the last time I watched porn for pleasure was in high school. Normally just visualizing experiences is enough for me. When I used to watch porn I would get so turned off by the stupid role-playing shit, mostly because the acting was brutal.
This is kind of embarrassing to admit, even though it’s quite common, but I was the ultimate child masturbator and I vividly remember having fantasies about Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask getting it on. Maybe that’s why, on occasion, I’d watch some weird ass anime porn. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it.”
I noticed some other things during my research, like when are people not watching.
Guys and girls use it as a model and educational tutorial during high school as they try and figure out what to do with all the raging hormones. It seems to die down a bit once actual sex becomes an option, although I’m sure there are millions of porn-watchers that enjoy both.
Another reason for my break from porn was that I had simply gotten bored.
It seemed to be the same track: foreplay, insertion, and a stupid amount of changing positions, cum. Stomach, face, ass, or back? It was so detached, so routine, that I couldn’t get excited anymore.
Female-friendly became my favourite tag. I’ve finally given in to the fact that I need a story I can relate to. I need to be able to believe that these people are fully involved and passionate about being together in this moment.
Maybe that involves HD cameras, foreplay, and soft lighting, but then that’s what makes it worthwhile to me. It might be harder to find, but James Deen is definitely worth it.
—@alejandranikola
