No, it’s not the boogie man or some huge mystery—the female orgasm is very much present and despite its complexity, it does, in fact, exist.
Now, I know I’ve become a broken record, but media portrayal is everything. And, when it comes to female sexuality in media, accuracy is definitely not the priority. In modern-day cinema, it’s three pumps and the woman is suddenly in a state of ecstasy. But, the female orgasm is not that simple.
In Sigmund Freud’s novel Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality, Freud explores the concept that there are two different types of female orgasm—clitoral and vaginal. He explains that clitoral orgasms are performed and desired in the early stages of sexual development (i.e., during puberty), and that vaginal orgasms are essentially the end goal and the solidification of female maturity.
However, it’s been proven that this theory is incorrect by numerous studies conducted throughout clinical research. The clitoral body, clitoral legs (also called crura), and clitoral bulbs are all components that correlate to vaginal pleasure. Meaning, that all orgasms are clitoral orgasms.
Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: masturbation. One of the primary reasons women don’t achieve clitoral orgasm is because they simply haven’t learned what is pleasurable to them. Masturbation is common among both sexes, and yet we see a continuous trend of shaming girls for it. For women, masturbation is “gross” and “secretive.” For men, it’s normalized and lightened.
For men, orgasm isn’t a mystery—they even have proof that they’ve achieved it. For women, orgasm is very emotionally driven. Without psychological stimulation, the end result isn’t possible.
It bothers me is that there are still such strong sociosexual scripts that dictate what is and isn’t acceptable for women in the bedroom. In reality, communication should be promoted in every sexual relationship.
Let’s just say it—for many girls, this article alone is uncomfortable, probably even discouraged. We are taught that girls don’t need to be forceful or dominant in the bedroom, and that men know what they’re doing. But, how would they know, if you’ve never voiced it? I’m sick of people telling me that they’re embarrassed to address sex with their partners.
I’ve known many fuck boys who simply cannot fuck. This may sound vulgar, but it isn’t. Knowledge is power, hell—knowledge is sexy. Why not use it to your advantage?
Photo by Lauren Hicks
