I’m pleased to say that I recently started dating someone who is anything but vanilla in bed. After kissing countless frogs, I seem to have found someone who is neither adverse to oral sex (thank the sweet lord), nor put off by some of the kinkier thoughts that roll around in my head. It’s kind of like having sex with a male me—odd but strangely hot.
To me, this sounded like a porno waiting to happen. Until I realized that it can be quite jarring to meet someone who so willingly tells you all of his or her dirtiest thoughts with nothing more than a sweet and expectant smile. It’s kind of like a really horny golden retriever . . . or not—seriously, bestiality is not my thing.
I doubt that anyone would describe me as conservative, but suddenly I was having second thoughts about how open-minded I actually was. As any healthy relationship should be, this was about give and take. If it was okay for me to ask for what I wanted, then the reverse had to be true as well.
But when faced with the question, “Can I fuck you in the ass tonight?” all of those rational thoughts flew out the window. Realistically, if I weren’t interested then why wouldn’t I just say no? Because I had always told my partners, and myself, if there was something they really enjoyed I would always at least try it.
So there I was, faced with the multiple fears. What if my bum hole rips? Will there be any poo? What if he wants to do it every time?
Alcohol was a natural lubricant the first time, but it also made details hazy. Did I really like it? The second time round, there was no lube because, oops your butt doesn’t make any. That was the first lesson—if I didn’t want to walk around with a limp the next day, lube was a necessary purchase.
Rather than going for a trial-and-error approach I decided to ask someone a little more . . . seasoned than I am. One of my coworkers is both open and gay, so I went to him with my pleas for help.
He gave me a step-by-step list of what precautions I should take, and along with a very helpful video I found on the all-knowing Internet, I felt a little more prepared.
Apparently a rule of thumb is that healthy eating is the first step you need to take, McDonald’s is not going to do you any favours if you’re looking for a clean exit.
Showering beforehand is a good way to feel fresh before you start getting down and dirty, and if you’re really nervous an enema is a surefire way to empty the chute.
Moreover, a water-based lubricant and condoms are your new best friends. The lube will help prevent any uncomfortable friction, and the condom will safeguard against anything unwanted seeping through the more sensitive skin inside your anus.
Instead of going into traditional doggy style and letting your partner enter you that way, a slower and more comfortable approach would be squatting over their dick and letting yourself adjust to the sensations. You can move up and down at your own pace, waiting until your sphincter opens up wide enough to let them fully penetrate you. After that, you’re good to go, exploring and picking up the pace whenever you’re ready.
Maybe this will work for you and your partner, and maybe it won’t. Not everyone gets into anal sex, and regardless of the top’s desire, it’s really up to the bottom to decide if they are comfortable with having something in their bum.
