Disclaimer: This article is published under the Charlatan’s satire section, the Partisan. All quotes and names have been fabricated.
The Ottawa Seniors’ Club announced they are suing RBC Bluesfest after an error in programming.
Several of the club’s members are upset after the festival accidentally booked a much more realistic version of the highly anticipated band, The Barenaked Ladies.
Following a performance by Deseronto, Ont. based artist Ryland James, the largely older crowd settled into their lawn chairs in anticipation of Scarborough, Ont. based all-male band, The Barenaked Ladies.
Unfortunately for some, what graced the stage next was in fact a group of scantily clad female performers.
Eyecant Reid was in charge of booking the acts for this year’s festival. He said despite seriously regretting the error, it has helped him make sense of a few odd occurrences over the past month.
“I couldn’t make heads or tails of why this band of dudes wanted all this glitter and pre-paid Victoria’s Secret cards in their dressing room,” Reid said. “Honestly, I’d say at least 50 per cent of the crowd wasn’t too pissed at me, so I’ll take that.”
Eric Shin is one of the audience members who wasn’t too upset with the mix-up. He came on the bus from his senior’s club and said once he understood this wasn’t the band that sings the Big Bang Theory theme song, he didn’t really care what they were going to sing.
“I mostly came because my pals said this band had some ‘90s hits that we could clap along to,” Shin said. “I really don’t know what all this lawsuit fuss is about. I was expecting a bunch of old dudes and what I got was better than my Viagra.”
The Ottawa Seniors’ Club members spearheading the lawsuit said they are doing it out of a matter of principle.
Roulle Stichler, a member of the club and president of the Ed Robertson fan club, said this year’s festival lineup had appeared to be very age appropriate. She said the liberation of the female body on stage was not what she signed up for. Although she added that she wouldn’t have minded the liberation of lead singer of the band Barenaked Ladies, Ed Robertson.
“RBC Bluesfest should be ashamed of themselves. Giving all these old men near strokes and leaving all us old ladies as an afterthought. It’s not easy to pack a lawn chair and tighten those hearing aids,” Stichler said.
As one of the leaders of the Bluesfest trip, she said she feels it is necessary to sue in order to receive adequate compensation for all her efforts wasted on the ruined evening.
Ahrow Sed is another member of the club who is backing Stichler’s lawsuit. She said she’s on board with the action because she feels cheated by the festival.
“They could have at least swapped ol’ Jann Arden’s act for them Chippendales,” Sed said.
RBC Bluesfest representative, Doub Etter, said he will be reevaluating Reid’s position as talent coordinator.
Etter added after the legal dispute is settled, he is actually considering a career switch himself. He said the adult entertainment industry has recently piqued his interest for unrelated reasons.
Featured image from file.
