“So, why did you shave your head again?”
This was the question that followed me around last summer after shaving my head on my birthday in May. People couldn’t seem to understand what would compel me — someone with long hair — to cut it all off seemingly on a whim.
This question of “why” followed me from genuinely baffled friends to family members who were upset or angered by my decision. The question also accompanied me in public, where I became invisible to men and a talking point for older folks to stare and point at.
Over the summer, I found I was explaining myself over and over again about a decision I made about my body and my appearance. Why did other people care so much about my hair? My appearance has nothing to do with them.
Society insists that to be an attractive woman, one must have long hair and wear makeup. Anyone who challenges this standard sticks out like a sore thumb.
But when I shaved my head, I wasn’t trying to “stick out” from society — I was just being me.
Here’s a little secret: I have never liked my hair. Growing up, I remember sitting uncomfortably in hair salon chairs and having hair stylists gush about how “lucky” I was to have such long, healthy, thick hair. I didn’t feel lucky at all. My hair was thick, hard to comb and only looked good right after I washed it. From Grade 3 to Grade 10, none of my classmates ever saw me without a ponytail.
During lockdown, I begged my sister to cut me a bob, which I rocked for a couple years, feeling more like myself than ever. Then, my first year of university came, and I was convinced this was the year I’d shave my head, living by the motto “new city, new hair.”. But when I got to the dorms that September, and was meeting more people than I’ve ever met in my entire life, I couldn’t do it.
Having hair was my comfort zone and a way to fit in. I wanted to make friends, meet people and be “pretty.” I cared more about what others thought of me than how I felt about myself, so I put off shaving my head.
What 18-year-old me didn’t understand then was that my appearance is the least interesting thing about me.
British-American actress Jemima Kirke said it best in her now-viral social media advice to insecure young women: “I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.”
In fact, we’re all thinking about ourselves too much.
Nobody actually cares that much about your appearance, and if they do, that’s weird! Dictating your appearance based on the preferences of society or men is a waste of time. Uniqueness is a gift.
This freeing affirmation led 21-year-old me to finally do the thing I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve never felt so liberated, fulfilled and confident in my life. No bed head and I could shower in under five minutes. I could physically feel the sun and wind on my scalp, making me feel in tune with my body in a new way.
I’ve never felt more beautiful.
It represented freedom to the highest level — from societal standards and from my own worries and fears. After doing it, I also realized it wasn’t a radical act at all. A shaved head was just me expressing myself to the highest degree.
So, to answer the question: “Why did you shave your head?” I’d have to say, “Why not?”
Featured graphic by Alisha Velji.
