By now, you are probably more annoyed than scared by the countless warnings about university.
It’s going to be harder than high school.
It’s going to go by quick, so prepare yourself!
You’re going to have to learn how to manage stress and time.
And, probably the most classic: Don’t party too hard!
You’ve probably also heard all about the possibilities of anxiety, depression, overwhelming stress, and other mental health issues that can arise during your university years. But rarely do people talk about a very real and rather frequent issue that can cause you to question your entire university career—loneliness.
As someone who has always felt really comfortable with meeting new people and throwing myself into new situations, I didn’t think feeling lonely would be an issue that I would face. I had never really experienced it before, so why would I now? Besides, I was living in residence, so I shouldn’t be feeling this way, right?
By the time I was a month and half into my first semester at Carleton, the feeling really started to hit me. Being in crowds started to cause me anxiety, and I was frequently talking to my friends and family at home. Questions about why I was here began to circle my mind on a daily basis. I had nothing to occupy my time except studying and schoolwork, which was great for my grades, but the constant pang of feeling so alone made it all feel almost worthless. Walking through the halls and waking up to people chatting in the hallways wasn’t easy. I looked around at everyone else and marvelled at how everyone else seemed to be having more fun and making more friends than me.
How was everyone else doing it so well when I couldn’t seem to even make one really good friend?
In a 2013 survey done by the Canadian Organization of University and College Health on 30,000 university students across Canada, 63 per cent of them reported feeling “very lonely” in the previous year.
In a 2011 report done by the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the United Kingdom, one in three first-year students reported feeling lonely, and 60 per cent experienced homesickness.
Whatever the reason may be for experiencing loneliness in first year, the most important thing to keep in mind is that you are not the only one, and it’s a normal university experience.
Getting out of your comfort zone is the best thing you can do to conquer the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Challenge the thoughts your mind has you cemented in. Look at everyone you see around you as a potential friend rather than making assumptions about where they’re at, or go talk to someone who you can trust like a close friend or family member at home, or someone from campus counselling services.
The feeling of being alone is a very real and very hard thing to overcome in university, so be gentle with yourself, and know you’re not the only one.
