Guy: Granted, brains are awesome things.

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Girl 1: Oh, I get it. Whoever’s the host gets the crown hat.
Girl 2: [laughs] Girl 1: I mean just the crown.

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Girl 1: It was shaped like a plate.
Girl 2: You mean a circle?

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Girl 1: Yeah, I hate blow-drying my hair.
Girl 2: When no one’s home I love those tingly bastards.

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Guy: You know, if you get your dick pierced you get free tattoos for life.
Girl: Why would you get free tattoos?
Guy: Because you’ve got balls.

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Girl: I hate that about Ottawa. Everything has to be in English and French. It takes too long. They should say only half of what they have to say so when they add the English and French parts it takes a normal amount of time.