Girl 1: Can I have a bagelwich but without the egg and all the other stuff?
Girl 2: So, do you just want a bagel?
Professor: Well, that baby’s dead now.
Girl: Excuse me, I’m peeing! Don’t listen to the sound of my urine!
Girl 1: I thought we talked about going down on your knees before.
Girl 2: Yeah, I’m on my knees and it’s on company time.
Guy 1: My bed finally came.
Guy 2: Are you going to go have a nap?
Guy 1: No, I’m just going to go be awesome with it.
Girl 1: Was that you singing?
Girl 2: Yes.
Girl 1: Well, stop — I thought it was the fire alarm.
Girl 1: I like food. I like it in my stomach. But I like to chew it first,
otherwise digestion is difficult.
Girl 2: Have you ever considered not talking?
Professor: Do they still let kids outside? I wouldn’t let my daughter outdoors. I told her, ‘You’re not allowed outside until you’re 30 and know how to use a gun.’
Girl: I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but the ceiling is made of concrete. Doesn’t that concern you? Because concrete is heavy and will hurt if it falls on you.
Girl: You know what I just figured out? Chickens don’t have fingers. Why on earth do we eat chicken fingers if they are nonexistent?
Girl: I have to pee so bad! Why does wearing diapers have to be socially unacceptable?