Girl: I've forgotten how to turn on my computer!
OOO
Guy: I think my foreskin is infected.
OOO
Guy: She's a nice, wholesome girl. Now touch her boobs.
OOO
(Guy is sitting outside on a sunny day, reading the magazine "High Times". He is suddenly excited by what he is reading, and slowly moves the magazine closer to his face)
Guy: "Sweet zombie Jesus!"
OOO
International student: What could you possibly do in Canada that would require you to resist
gunfire for 24 hours?
OOO
Guy: He's a genius!
Girl: Why?
Guy: He has a big head.
OOO
Girl: There's no point in going furniture shopping without Mom. She has the final say.
Dad: She's HOH and has the POV. Like that Big Brother show.
OOO
Girl 1: I gave a banana a blow job once, in front of three people. We filmed it. I ate it
after.Girl 2: How do you know when it’s done?
Girl 1: Oh I always know when it’s done.
OOO
Girl 1: (Sneezes) Owww!
Girl 2: What happened?
Girl 1: I sneezed and my uterus hurt.
Girl 2: I don't think that’s normal.
OOO
(Girl on her cellphone)
Girl: Like OMG, I totally think that like the condom broke.
OOO
Girl 1: Damn you cute, taken boys!
Girl 2: They're everywhere! Where are the cute, single ones hiding?
Girl 3: In the closet.
(Girls laugh)
Girl 3: But it's true! One way or another they're in the closet…
OOO
(Professor's computer crashes)
Prof: Whenever I talk about Marxism my computer dies.
OOO
Guy: I'm trying to memorize the lyrics to Ciara and Justin Timberlakes' song, “Love, Sex and Magic.”
Girl: Why?
Guy: So I can follow a random girl around at the club and sing it to her. She'll be so creeped out.
Girl: If you want to creep her out then you should sing The Whisper Song. (Starts singing) “Hey, how you doing lil' mama / Lemme whisper in your ear / Tell you something that you might like to hear / You have a sexy body and a sexy butt / Mind if I touch it and see if it's soft? / Wait till you see my —- / Hey girl, wait till you see my —-/ Hey girl, wait till you see my —- / Hey girl, you will never get enough.” Just for the record though, I totally don't condone sexual harassment.
OOO
Girl: Shallowness is great. If no one was shallow, we couldn't say, “Hey, look at
that hot guy.” You know?