I have to tell this story because I think it alludes to some of the unfortunate realities of male-female social interaction. But, first off, if you ask any female, what is, or is amongst the most important traits a man can embody, they will confidently say confidence!
When women sit in their “girls night in” social arrangements they brag about how they adore confident men and brag about lovers, peers, and iconic figures that exude confidence.
Who wouldn’t want a confident man, especially when confidence is an indication and segue into other commendable attributes such as a sense of humour, drive, and a positive outlook on life?
Therefore, I don’t blame them for placing confidence high on the podium when they’re imagining the perfect man.
So now to my story! I was sitting with two of my friends in the cafeteria the other day and a girl caught my eye. So as I sat there with my buddies chatting about classes, relationships, sports, the summer, I couldn’t help constantly peeking over my shoulder to get a glimpse of this girl.
Then I proposed to my friends that I go up, introduce myself, and see if there’s any way I might be able to hang out with her in the future. I was a bit hesitant at first as I stared over because for one, she wasn’t alone, and two, her friends looked like a few uninviting caged animals ready to pounce on any vulnerable human being coming their way.
I wasn’t going to be a coward, so I set up my mind to approach her, and after a unanimous support from my friends I thought, why not? Now before I continue, I just want you to imagine how much confidence it would take a man to go up to a complete stranger, sitting with her friends, and make a pitch for why she should pick him as a potential mate.
So I headed over with my game face on, while flexing as hard as I could (kidding!). I went over, apologized for interrupting and quickly turned my attention to the girl who had distracted me for the last little while and politely asked, “I just noticed you a bit earlier and I was wondering if there’s any chance we could hang out sometime.” The immediate reaction on her face was of disinterest as she responded to me in French, as her friend intruded and basically insinuated in English that she was not interested. All the while, another friend of theirs thought it was humorous and turned her head for a chuckle. Believe me, it was a very uninviting experiences. I thanked them for their time and let them be, as any respectful human being would.
Now let’s expel all viable excuses for her behaviour, e.g., she was shy, in a relationship, etc., and assume that this girl was insensitive, which I am convinced she was, for the sake of drawing a purpose or a lesson from this encounter.
My problem was not that I was rejected, but the real issue came to me as a revelation shortly after, where I even decided to call my friend to verify if I was overacting.
Guys out there would like to approach a girl, but due to such intimidating scenarios and experience as these, are highly discouraged. I mean, imagine a guy who for the first time had built up a tremendous amount of courage to embark on the frightening journey of pursuing a female only to be laughed at and rejected.
I can handle it, but for some guys it can be emotionally scarring and many of my friends and peers emanate such insecurities. I don’t want to sound bitter, because I’m not, but I think males, everyday, are apprehensive about interacting with the opposite sex for fear of some cruel rejection, and I don’t blame them, especially when girls can be as difficult as the example I cited above.
It’s truly baffling and I can’t help but feel sorry for all the guys out there who sit back and never want to take social initiative, as they are expected to by their female counterparts. The only thing males expect is to be downplayed by packs of female vultures.
At the end of the day, all girls love confidence, and I say that while exaggerating and elongating the word ‘love;’ yet when a guy decides to execute that confidence, he’s left thinking if it’s at all worth it, because girls are too blind and maybe even stuck-up to realize when the trait they yearn for in a male is being exhibited right before their eyes.
In fact, he is automatically converted from a ‘real man’ to a creep in their minds. Aside from all this, men are the ones that are expected to initiate discussion.
So ladies, please be a bit more considerate next time a guy approaches you or at least have an innate appreciation for his courage. Maybe, even give him a shot!
Note: Cibo is not the author’s real name. It is an alias for a Carleton alumnus.