RE: “‘No Means No’ posters alienate men who support the cause,” March 1-7, 2012
I would like to address the statements made in last week’s letter concerning the “No Means No” posters from the Equity Services campaign.
I am part of campus group called Men for Equality and Non-Violence, and am the co-ordinator of the I Can MANifest Change campaign. It is a project that seeks to engage men and boys on issues of gender-based violence.
Before I respond to the content of the letter, I would like to thank the author for speaking about his concerns, rather than simply not engaging in the dialogue at all. We might disagree on a good number of things, but I believe that behind your words, there is a will to engage. It is to that will to engage that I intend to speak.
First off, the willingness to admit that sexual assault is a serious problem in need of being addressed on campus puts the author light-years ahead of the administration of this university.
They have denied its existence for years, and even now hide it from students. It is deeply shameful to have to hear about sexual assaults on our campus from the Ottawa Citizen instead of our expensive (and never-used) emergency notification system (for which we paid).
While I feel there is nothing wrong with expressing a disagreement with the messages on the posters, I feel the letter missed a valuable point. Those posters are not for you.
As men, we must challenge our assumption that this poster was even meant for us, and challenge why this poster needs to be made in the most effective way for “us” as men, when it is largely women and trans/genderqueer folks doing the work.
Those posters also serve as a means of women’s empowerment, which has nothing to do with men or attempting to engage us. If men want a relevant campaign for themselves, we can make our own.
From my experiences engaging with feminist groups, and as a pro-feminist man myself, this poster is as much about empowering women to say no or speak up for what they want as it is about reminding folks about the importance of having a complex understanding of consent. Is there room for improvement? Sure there is. If there were a million campaigns, each of them could be improved. That does not mean they are not effective.
One in four women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, according to studies done at the University of Alberta (Stanford University estimates one in three). Fifty per cent of women in Canada will experience some form of sexual assault or domestic violence in their lifetime, almost always at the hands of men, according to studies from the University of Manitoba.
What many people do not know is that it’s their brothers, fathers, friends, classmates, or someone else they know who commit more then 85 per cent of the abuse, according to studies by the University of Alberta.
I have to fundamentally disagree with your assumption that women should trust men that care about them because statistically it is those men who will commit the violence. If the result of preventing this violence means some men get uncomfortable with the messages, I think it is a reasonable trade off. Offending men should be the least of our concerns.
If you dislike a campaign, I encourage you to get involved in our group, or another like ours, and come up with a separate campaign to run in addition to it. In fact, if you come up with a campaign that works, I would be glad to find resources to make it happen.
Also, there are different campaigns including “Consent is Sexy” week, I Can MANifest Change, the White Ribbon campaign, the “Don’t Be THAT Guy” posters, etc . . . Not all campaigns will work for everyone. Not every campaign will work for everyone.
There are many struggles in ending gender-based violence. From one engaged man to another, please do not make this one of them. We should strive to be comrades in struggle, and instead ask how we can help with this important campaign. We could even come up with ideas for altering the campaign and submit it to the creators of the posters. The one thing we cannot afford to do is to discredit the work currently being done to end gender-based violence.
The author pleaded for someone to ask him to join the team to end sexual assault, so I am asking him now. I am open to meet for coffee, have some dialogue, and work together for change. However, one thing needs to be clear: people are being sexually assaulted every day and the potentially hurt feelings of some men should not even register on the radar of important issues that need immediate attention. Full stop!
Women cannot afford to trust the men in their communities, particularly when they are concerned about their own feelings instead of rape.
I ask the author to take some time to really reflect on this, and consider getting involved in the fight against sexual assault. Consider this article as a “poster asking you to get involved,” hoping for a response.
— Ron Couchman
master’s, sociology
project co-ordinator for I Can MANifest Change (Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women).
