A few weeks ago, I tuned in to watch Girls, one of my favourite HBO shows. For those not familiar with the show, it’s produced, and directed by Lena Dunham, a Judd Apatow protégée, who also stars in the show. In the episode “One Man’s Trash,” which aired on Feb. 10, Dunham’s character has a two-day love affair with a man, played by Patrick Wilson, who some viewers found too good-looking to be interested in a woman like Dunham.
What is most interesting about this episode isn’t the storyline, but the reactions it stirred in online circles. Most critics of the episode have called it “unrealistic” and “self-involved,” but the absolute outrage that ensued provides evidence of a much larger theme in our society. Let us consider the real reason people deemed this “unrealistic”; Dunham’s larger-than-size-two frame and Patrick Wilson’s much more conventionally attractive physique.
There is something going on here, and it has to do with everyone’s favourite word—patriarchy.
Recently, one of my friends described the “kind” of girls he met at a party. Though I can’t remember the direct line of conversation, in his efforts to describe the girls he met, he did one of the worst possible things you can do to women—compare them to each other. He turned to me and said, “They were chubby . . . but not ugly, they were like sexy chubby, like you!”
It was an interesting exchange, and I mostly just laughed it off because I was genuinely not offended. To an extent, I was almost happy that he said it. Happy that he acknowledged that I look the way I do without perceiving it as a bad thing. Now, make no mistake, what he said could be seen as offensive, just not for the usual reasons.
What became most poignant was not what my guy friend had said, but the reaction it caused in one of my closest friends. She was immediately offended, she believed it wasn’t right for him to have said that, and that he had no right to comment on my body. Which, theoretically is true. But I’ve hung around a lot of guys this year and what I’ve learned is that they can get away with commenting on your body, within reason, so long as it’s a compliment.
What I’m more interested in is why being called “chubby” was considered offensive in the first place. It’s not the first time in my life I’ve been called fat. When I was in middle school it happened all the time and eventually I just stopped being offended, mostly because the effect of the word wore off, but also because I just straight up didn’t believe that I was fat.
It’s this fear of the word, as if being fat is the worst thing in the world. My friend was offended for me because, in her eyes, I was called a bad word. I was called a word that is associated with being undesirable and marginalized from society.
To an extent, it was good that she was offended for me, because while my guy friend’s intentions weren’t awful, he was still putting me in a box, essentially calling me “pretty for a chubby girl,” which is a view adopted by society. It’s fascinating to see how okay everyone is with this.
While racism, classism, sexism, etc are all very prevalent in society, they tend to be things that society is at least aware and somewhat sensitive of. But not fat-shaming. My mother called it society’s final “ism.” While I find that too much of an all-encapsulating phrase, it’s true to the extent that perceptual ideas about beauty, and the outrage and disgust that persists when someone in media doesn’t fulfill that idea, is a social issue that people need to be more aware of.
We don’t get to judge people based on the way they look. We don’t get to decide what kind of love a person does and doesn’t deserve based on the way they look. And we certainly don’t all share the same all encompassing idea of beauty, especially in terms of physicality.
We should try to become more conscious of the way we choose to speak. We’re all guilty of being insensitive at times. We’ve all made jokes at other people’s expense. We’re young, we’re learning, but let’s keep the discussion going.
first-year journalism
