One of the biggest communities at Carleton University is its sororities and fraternities. The “Greek” community has the best connections with the bars on campus and in the market, and a reputation for the best parties.
I decided to go through the rushing process and eventually got a bid, reaching the stage of probationary membership, which I enthusiastically accepted.
I began to study the history of this fraternity and I was drawn in by a man known as the Golden Hearted Virginian. He is said to have single-handedly transformed a struggling local fraternity into a strong national brotherhood. He was described as a perfect bundle of nervous energy and his enthusiasm was so contagious it influenced everyone who came within his reach.
What really struck me is this individual almost did not get into this particular fraternity. After realizing how close it had come to making a big mistake, the fraternity stressed to all future members that decisions regarding membership selection should be made carefully, personality conflicts should be set aside, and decisions should never be based on selfishness.
This fraternity became my primary study and pledging became my primary focus. I grew close with my pledge brothers and my problems were forgotten when I was hanging with them. Being part of a fraternity made me feel supported and balanced.
To my surprise I found myself looking forward to school. I had more patience, more tolerance, and most importantly, more energy.
But then something unfortunate happened. My childhood dog and playmate passed away. I decided to go to a Greek Hockey League game and as I saw one brother approach me, I was expecting to receive a firm handshake and a quick conversation to forget my troubles.
Instead I was called a homophobic slur for the hat I was wearing. I tried to laugh and pretend it was a joke but as I tried to create a conversation, the brother walked off.
I have always been one to accept challenges but I was not ready to meekly accept insults somehow deemed to test pledges. I brought the story to higher leadership within the chapter. I was told that this particular brother once had effeminate qualities with the implication that he had now grown out of it. Somehow this was supposed to help me understand what had happened to me.
There is a “bro” tough guy, homophobic culture that plagues young males today and I realized within the fraternity, “bro culture” had trumped real brotherhood. I tried to seek support among brothers at a time of loss, but to no avail.
I was subjected to slurs and disappointment that hurt more than the old-style hazing. The closed circle of the fraternity gave these actions legitimacy and deemed it as a part of the pledging process.
Many claimed this is just part of a world I couldn’t change, some citing other evils like closet racism.
I was cut and told to surrender my pledge pin. Instead of the brother being disciplined, it seems I was seen as a threat because I challenged the integrity of leadership shown by the chapter.
I do not wish to insult anyone or belittle anyone who has joined a fraternity or who aspires to. I bear no ill will to the brother who put me down as he is trapped in the bro culture.
I will continue to encourage others to join fraternities. For many it will make an otherwise stressful or lonely university life the greatest period of their lives. I cannot deny that I long for the brotherhood of a fraternity but it seems the stereotypes I was warned about before rushing have come true.
I have one simple question to ask the fraternity that I rushed. What would the Golden Hearted Virginian say?
