Disclaimer: This article is published under the Charlatan’s satire section, the Partisan. All quotes and names have been fabricated.
Often referred to as “figure painting,” a new exhibit at the Carleton University Art Gallery (CUAG) featuring paintings of nude models by local artists is attracting staff, students and faculty, many of which are visiting the gallery for the first time.
Titled “Naked and (Un)Afraid,” the exhibit opened at the beginning of March and will remain open until the end of the semester.
“In this COVID-y world filled with masks and germ-protecting things, I feel like many of us are losing sight of just how wonderful the human form truly is,” Inda Buff, curator of the exhibit, said. “I wanted to bring us all back to nature with this one.”
The exhibit’s opening day on March 9 had 200 people in attendance. Among them was Titsan Dass, a first-year computer science student at Carleton.
When asked how he found out about the exhibit, he said it was a hot topic of discussion at the recent mixer he went to for culturally refined first years, such as himself.
“Duh yuh we were all slammin’ em back and some kid was like ‘YO did u see in that Plate of the Raven email thing that there’s gonna be porn on campus?’” Dass said.
Hollee Hooters, a fourth-year art history student at Carleton, said the large numbers at the art gallery were not necessarily due to the impressive raw talent on display.
“These models sat for hours in compromising positions for the sake of these masterpieces,” Hooters said. “Then all these idiots come here to ogle them because, well, to put it bluntly, they can’t get laid.”
She said she would have liked to have seen a system in place similar to the recently dismissed vaccine passports, but instead of checking for vaccination status, she’s recommending intelligence levels be checked.
“CUAG is no place for these doofuses who still probably laugh at 5318008 on a calculator,” Hooters said.
However, Streek Er, a second-year biomedical sciences student, said he was there to educate himself on the sophisticated nature of the art of painting and the beauty in this “forbidden fruit.”
“Gah….. BOOBS….” Er said.
CUAG staff said they intend to keep the exhibit open despite complaints about some of the patrons.
“This is the most attention we’ve gotten in years,” Fullee Klothed, director of exhibits at CUAG, said. “Honestly, it’s just kind of nice to have people know we exist…”
Featured graphic by Pippa Norman.
