Long distance… sigh.
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 16-and-a-half months, and yes, I counted today. During that time, not only has my perception of relationships changed but so has my outlook on myself and those around me.
At the beginning, I spent days obsessing and thinking about what my significant other was doing, saying and thinking. Eventually, it turned into constant FaceTime calls and cute text messages during class.
Every relationship has a honeymoon phase, but in long distance relationships, the honeymoon phase happens every time you see each other.
My boyfriend and I would take turns visiting each other. Every three to four weeks, one of us would hop on a ten-hour bus ride ecstatic to see one another. Then the summer rolled around. We spent every second together. I mean really. We couldn’t get enough.
Here’s the thing. No human, social, normal person can function without space. But when you’re conditioned to think that that each moment is precious and has a ticking time limit, every minute together sounds like heaven.
So, here’s when the story gets a little rough. Eventually the honeymoon was over, and it was time to face the world of fighting, frustrated couples. We’d fight and fight. But we loved being together. When the summer was over and it was time to transition to LD again, I convinced myself I’d be okay. But I wasn’t. I waited and I waited. I turned into one of those sad, pathetic 1950s TV soap opera characters who waits at home for her husband to tell her what to do next.
I started resenting my boyfriend and even more so myself. So, we broke up. It became too much and it wasn’t working. After sobbing and watching well…every breakup movie ever, I came to a conclusion. If I want this to work, I need to enjoy every minute we have apart. So we’re back together now and stronger than ever.
Here’s where the navigation part comes in. These are my rules to surviving, navigating and enjoying a LDR.
1.Enjoy your time alone.
We all like spending time with people. But in an LDR, solitude is inevitable. Why not embrace it? Read a book, develop a new hobby, start investing in the most important person, yourself. If you become your best self and care for your own needs and interests, you’ll become a stronger and more loving partner.
2. Have designated phone/FaceTime dates.
There’s nothing worse than being someone’s second thought. So just don’t be. Don’t settle for half-assed conversations. Instead, be busy and save that long conversation for later that night or whenever you’re free. Make sure your significant other is attentive and available so that both parties feel included. Morning calls can also be really helpful in making you feel closer to your partner.
3. Have a sex life.
FaceTime exists for a reason.
4. Enjoy your other friendships/relationships.
Your friends exist and they want to spend time with you, so let them. It doesn’t matter who they are but they matter in making you feel supported. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Let other people support you. Nobody can cater to every single one of your needs.
5. Don’t let jealousy and possessiveness tarnish the trust.
Okay, I’m going to say it. I’m possessive and riddled with insecurity. So, of course I’m jealous. But I’m not letting it rule me anymore. Everyone is jealous and it’s natural. It becomes unnatural when you become obsessed with who your SO is hanging out or spending time with. If they’re willing to be in a long-distance relationship, chances are they’re pretty committed.
6. Let them have their own life.
There’s nothing worse than being home on a Saturday night and knowing your SO is out having the time of their life. But they need to have their own life and so do you. When they’re out, make use of your own time. Go out yourself, turn on a good show, hang out with your friends. You were on your own before him and you can do it again.
7. Enjoy time.
Don’t wish away every day, week and month. Time is precious and it shouldn’t stop just because you’re apart from your partner. So, make the best of it. Embrace knowing that someone miles away loves and cares for you enough that they’re willing to do it without seeing you every day.
Graphic by Lara Sedele.
