On the morning of Oct. 22 I was too early for work.
I got off my bus and on to the Mackenzie King Bridge at 8:30 a.m., half an hour before my 9 a.m. start time. I decided this extra half hour would be a perfect opportunity to take the scenic route to work. As an Ottawa native and seasoned tour guide, I know the downtown core like I know the back of my hand.
I walked through the Rideau Centre, exited through the Westin, crossed the street to the canal and past the famous Balance sculpture, and headed up the stairs next to the Government Conference Centre.
My office is located in the Chateau Laurier, and I remember glancing at the War Memorial and the Rideau Canal locks as I waited to cross the street. It was a beautiful morning.
“I love this city,” I thought to myself, a simple statement I have repeated countless times to family members and friends.
When I got to work, I began my morning routine, which involves looking at various social media. I was working on a document when I decided to refresh Twitter around 10 a.m.
I will never forget the breaking news alert that appeared before me.
It took me at least 30 seconds to process it. It was a surreal moment, something that seemed so untrue—across the street from me, an approximate twenty second walk away, an Honour Guard had been shot, point-blank, at the National War Memorial.
A few seconds later, a new tweet—people reporting a body had been found inside Centre Block, next to the Library of Parliament.
I don’t know if we are programmed to think of the worst possible outcome in these scenarios, but I can tell you that the moment of fear and panic that I experienced was unlike anything I have ever felt before.
For the past 24 hours, I, along with Canadians around the world, have struggled to cope with yesterday’s events. For one, I am completely enamoured with this city. But the two locations that had red stars on them on many Ottawa maps yesterday, the two sites that are now known as crime scenes, are very near and dear to my heart.
In the summer of 2012 I was hired as a Capital Interpreter by the National Capital Commission. This job can be described as a mobile tourism office. Tour guides were set up at different locations in the downtown core, and answered visitor questions while also providing interpretation about the city.
Our favourite location to be stationed at was the War Memorial.
That summer, and the one after that, I stood, sometimes for hours on end, answering questions about the monument. I was honoured to do it. I witnessed some incredible moments in those eight months.
The War Memorial is a sacred place, and most people were touched, some to the point of tears, when they saw two uniformed soldiers guarding the tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
Some were also shocked to find that the tomb is not empty. It contains the remains of a First World War soldier, one who will remain anonymous forever.
During those eight months, I watched Honour Guards stand at the tomb, on an almost daily basis. I watched visitors stand in awe of them. I watched these guards stand completely still, even in unbearable heat, sweat pouring down their faces, clouding their vision, their uniforms uncomfortable and heavy. I watched them stand in the pouring rain, drenched, cold, and completely focused. I witnessed a determination and a discipline that I will never forget.
Above all, I witnessed pride.
“This is what we train for,” off-duty would guards would say, as visitors worried about their hydration and their level of comfort.
Every single one I interacted with was fiercely protective of the monument, was honoured to stand guard, and was very proud and kind when explain to curious passerby why guards were stationed there. I was honoured to observe them.
My heart is broken for Cprl. Nathan Cirillo and his family and friends. My thoughts are with each member of the Canadian Forces today.
My time as the National War Memorial was followed by a work as a tour guide at the Parliament of Canada this summer. I stayed for an extra few months before transferring to a new job, two days before the shooting.
Parliament Hill has been my second home for going on three years, and it was such a privilege to work inside Centre Block.
I have only fond memories of that building and the people who work inside it. I have met some of my best friends there, and the sheer panic of knowing that some were trapped inside the building during yesterday’s incident was deeply unsettling and overwhelming.
Some of my former colleagues were inside the library during the events. Some were on lockdown for more than twelve hours. I am relieved that they are safe, but I know most of us guides will not feel normal for a while.
We have walked through the Hall of Honour thousands of times with tour groups. Seeing gunfire erupt in such a hallway was unimaginable.
We have stood in the middle of the library, consistently impressed by its breathtaking beauty and consistently impressed with visitor reactions to it.
We have witnessed somber and reflective moments in the Memorial Chamber, a room that has preserved the memory of Canadian Veterans.
It was a true gift to work at Parliament and I am truly grateful for the security personnel inside, as well as the first responders in and around Centre Block who are still working tirelessly to keep us safe.
After being on lockdown for most of the day yesterday, I left through a parking garage that directed viewers to Mackenzie Street. I was on the phone with my best friend, and describing to her what I was seeing was almost impossible.
There were no cars whizzing by. No public servants heading home. I saw two or three policemen in Major’s Hill Park, about 300 feet away.
It was eerie and it was upsetting, and I gained a newfound appreciation for the constant activity in the downtown core. I got home and hugged my parents hard. Six hours before that, I had texted my mother, who cycles to work, to get inside a building as fast as she could.
I felt safe throughout yesterday’s ordeal, which is not something I can say for my former colleagues, or the journalists who worked in chaotic circumstances to inform the public.
Journalism is something I am passionate about, it is a profession that I am trained in, but I know for a fact that I would have been unable to report anything yesterday.
Parliament and the National War Memorial were my two of favourite places in Ottawa before 9:52 a.m. yesterday, and I now love them even more.
I’m so grateful for the time I have spent at both. I love this city more than anything, and I am proud to call it my home.
