I have had a lot of beer in my time. I always say that my hobbies are napping, eating, and drinking craft beer. In my travels, I have had some beers that I’ve absolutely loved and mostly beers that are middle ground. Very few beers I’ve had were god-awful. Below I have been so kind as to list the few beers that were, in fact, god-awful. This list can be used as a warning for beers to avoid, or beers to try so you can argue with me that they are in fact delicious. I am open to both options.
Flying Monkeys Brewery, The Matador: Supposedly this is a rye ale aged in cedar barrels. After drinking it, I wondered if they put cedar chips into the beer. The beer tastes like cedar smells, which to me is not something I want to taste. I felt like I was drinking tree bark. I kept expecting to have to pull out splinters from my tongue. Sure, there was a nice smoky taste from the cedar aging, but all other flavors were lost in the process.
Nickel Brook Brewery, Kentucky Bastard: This is the harsher, gross version of Bolshevik Bastard. Where Bolshevik Bastard is smooth with coffee undertones, this is rough with pure alcohol undertones. The bottle claims that the beer should have vanilla notes and “warming alcohol” from bourbon. This stuff went down like sandpaper, and as for the vanilla and coffee notes, I couldn’t taste them—all I got was the high alcohol taste. Nickel Brook recommends aging the beer to let it mellow. My dad tried this experiment and even after a year, the beer still had the rough sandpaper qualities. Maybe this beer needs ten years of ageing—who knows.
Great Lakes Brewery, Apocalypse Later: You see, normally I enjoy a bitter beer. The more bitter the better usually. Bitterness is measured by IBUs, or International Bitter Units. The higher the number, the more bitter the beer. This selection has an IBU of 100, so the extremist in me was totally jazzed to try this out. After drinking what was the equivalent to paint thinner, I have learned that beer with 100 IBUs is gross. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should— there are certain boundaries that should not be crossed.
Rogue Brewery, Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale: This is by far the most disgusting beer I have had in my life, and that is saying something. I hate seeing beer go to waste, so even if it feels like I’m drinking paint thinner I at least finish the beer in the hopes that maybe it will improve (I’m an optimist). I will even finish a Coors or Molson because (while not the greatest beers) their taste is more akin to water, so it’s not that offensive. This beer I could not finish. It was just too gross. There are some things that just do not work in beer form and maple bacon doughnuts are one of them. Maple works in beer form. Smokey flavours work in beer form. Maple bacon doughnuts should remain just that—a doughnut. Keep in mind, this is the same brewery that makes Beard Beer which is made from yeast found in someone’s beard. I don’t know if I’m grossed out or intrigued.
