It’s hard to tell Cooties was the directorial debut of Jonathon Milott and Cary Murnion, because it manages something modern horror films don’t often touch: it’s fun.
The film opens with a montage of close-up shots of chickens being processed into chicken nuggets. One piece gets contaminated with some questionable black substance and the rest of the sequence shows its journey from the factory to a little girl’s lunch at school. Little Miss Patient Zero wastes no time in spreading the disease, and soon enough almost all of her peers become contagious copycat killers.
The unlikely heroes are a group of misfit teachers who must band together against the rabid kids with whatever makeshift defence measures the school has to offer. Elijah Wood plays Clint, the big-city English teacher who has the hots for another teacher, Lucy (Alison Pill), which frustrates her beefy boyfriend, gym teacher Wade (Rainn Wilson). They are joined by a few other staff members and some students who survived the outbreak at recess.
Too often, modern horror films have tried to be too serious or shocking by making stories too weighted, or abusing “torture porn” for the gross-out factor. Cooties works because it’s an over-the-top film that embraces its silliness. It’s a throwback to B-movies from the 80s where deaths were cheesy and gore was amusing. For example, the recess scene makes use of a series of jokes—while the ravenous imps claw their way through teachers on duty, Wade is too busy stroking his ego over a game of hoops to notice the chaos. Meanwhile, the stoner crossing guard (Jorge Garcia) thinks he’s having a bad mushroom trip.
The film is full of these kinds of moments and manages to be pretty funny with a variety of one-liners and running gags. Some of the jokes start to overstay their welcome, like Wade’s mispronunciation of the phrase “dual rear wheels,” but thankfully for the most part they are enjoyable. There are also a few meta lines too which are a real treat, such as Wade mockingly addressing Clint as a “little hobbit.”
Unfortunately, the film suffers from somewhat amateur cinematography. There are some awkwardly framed shots and scenes in which the camera jitters uncomfortably. There are also a lot of quick cuts which seem to hide the lower production values, but this is less of a problem, since these are common in action sequences.
Despite its flaws, Cooties stands out as a fun flick amidst a congested hoard of zombie movies. It may not be the most intelligent film about a school, but who needs to put on their thinking cap if they’re brain-dead? This movie makes the mark. 3.5/5 stars.
