Ottawa was rather gloomy on the night of March 27, but it was anything but gloomy at LIVE! On Elgin as people gathered in for the fourth edition of Sunday Night Fan Fiction.
Presented by the Morning Person Theatre Company, the hilarious series was resurrected—ironically enough—on Easter Sunday.
Fans of all fiction filed in to the tiny theatre, some adorned in feathers, others in Star Wars pyjamas, and even one or two with bunny ears atop their heads.
While most were having dinner with their families and enjoying their extra-long weekend, the crowd prepared themselves as best they could for some of the raunchiest fan fiction around, dredged up from none other than the notorious fanfiction.net.
Paul J. Piekoszewski—the director of the night—kicked off the show in true Easter fashion, reading a story of a romantic evening shared between Moses and the main man of the weekend, Jesus. This was followed by a charming chapter about the two main characters of Toy Story—Buzz and Woody—entangled in an erotic striptease, read by Amanda Logan.
While both stories previous to Matt Hertendy’s gave the crowd a great laugh, the award for most ruined childhoods definitely goes to the story he dug up, a story about the two main characters from Happy Feet—Gloria and Mumble—in what Hertendy described as “a heartfelt tale of survival.”
It seemed to have most of the audience gagging in both laughter and disgust as this “heartfelt tale” turned into a sexcapade between two penguins, where Hertendy then used a member of the audience and a bottle of hand sanitizer to display a creative amount of ejaculation to those watching.
The laughs continued as Nicholas Amott read a story about Link and Zelda that had seemingly been put through Google Translate—or had been written in the dark—before the first and only duo-readers of the night read a Smurf-centred homoerotic BDSM story.
Kristine Shadid then read a fanfic about everyone’s favourite Republican candidate, Donald Trump. A tale of self love, it was a story where Trump made sweet mechanical love to a sex robot fashioned after none other than himself. Afterwards, the robot Trump swiftly tried to destroy the real Trump and planned to take over the world.
As the night went on and the content got more filthy and foul-mouthed, the crowd did just the same, with stories about Santa Claus’ steamy encounter with C-3P0, a surfer dude falling in love thanks to Sharknado, and a Pokémon’s smutty encounter with its trainer.
Nothing quite compares to the last story of the night, “Ultra Shrek x Nicolas Cage,” a story of a love so powerful it sent Shrek to the moon, and most of the audience crying at the thought of it on their way home.
Although it took nine months for this night to be resurrected, Piekoszewski said he is hopeful it will be happening again soon.
“the Internet is such a bottomless fountain of creativity so we will never run out of material,” he said. “As long as people are still enjoying it then we will probably keep doing it.”
