Living on your own can do wonders for your sex life. No longer do you have parents breathing down your neck, and your roommate (probably) won’t mind being locked out every once in awhile. But hey – maybe you’re finding sex a bit of a snooze. If so, you might consider bringing some toys into the bedroom.
There’s a false idea about sex toys like dildos or vibrators being a sign of failure in a sexual relationship, but that’s quite far from the truth.
We are, as people say, in a ‘hook-up culture.’ In this fast-paced society, we get bored of things quickly and constantly want new forms of entertainment. This often also applies to romantic partners. Emotionally, staying connected to one person doesn’t really get boring. It’s the sexual aspect that needs to be in constant change: some people get bored of having the same type of sex and mistake it for a lack of attraction.
First, it’s important to communicate about how important or necessary sex is to your partner. From there, keep up the communication about your sex life, because it does affect the healthiness of a relationship as a whole.
Instead of doing the same thing with a new partner, we can change things up with the one we’re with. Sex positions like doggy-style and cowgirl were once thought to be raunchy, but are now getting old.
Blindfolds, ropes, and handcuffs might be more fun for you and your partner, and they are a very easy way of changing things up in the bedroom. People are becoming more open to anal sex and period sex as well. Ice, candles, and more are indication that there’s a lot of variety out there.
If BDSM and pain aren’t for you, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to have a boring sex life. The porn industry has exploded in recent years, and with a bit of searching you can find anything you’re into. Porn is often criticized for the sexism in the industry, or that it creates false expectations between partners. However, as long as you communicate it can be a fun healthy way to connect with your partner. If you want porn that is more realistic and has a real story line, try checking out so-called feminist porn, such as features by Femme Productions. There’s something quite sexy about watching porn with your partner; it has the excitement of seeing someone sexually for the first time as well as the comfort of a person you know.
Don’t dismiss role play either. There can be stigma about role play being an insult to your partner because you need them to be someone else, and it’s really important to squash that idea. Role play is a way for you to act out your fantasies. A long term partner knows you pretty well, and so they should also know about your sexual fantasies (they are a part of you, after all). It’s a great way of bringing ‘you’ into the bedroom. Have you ever imagined yourself having sex with Sirius Black or Jon Snow? I’m sure you have – and you’d get pretty excited (and horny) at the notion of acting that out in real life.
Spicing up sex life is easy – all you really need is an open mind and a willingness to tear down stigmas. Next time you find that your partner isn’t arousing you, suggest watching porn or doing role play – it might just surprise (and arouse) you.
