My body is in its neutral state of being. Nothing is amplified. Nothing is rolling over me in hot waves or chills. But when it happens, it’s instant, and suddenly very much necessary to gratify.
A text drops from the top edge of my screen. It reads the exact words I wanted to hear, but then I look up at the name that comes with the ping of the notification. They’re…alright, but I’m looking for a different energy tonight. I type back something that teasingly expresses my sleepiness and I await the inevitable convincing.
No person other than the one I’m feeling at that moment will claim my attention. In certain phases of my life, during which the tenacity of my sexuality ebbs and flows, the desire for quantity over quality steps forward. I scroll through my list of established conquests, then once I’ve decided on one or two, the replies are instant—game time.
The landscape of potential sexting buddies is a free-run, expansive field and since the start of lockdown back in March, I’ve been harvesting the sudden surplus. The guys, the gals and the non-binary pals were all scrambling to find passion while in isolation, and I was joining them.
The current COVID-19 crisis makes sex and romance a little further out of reach. However, with the world’s dating pool at our disposal, we can still enjoy other means of intimacy. Connections to online partners are at the reach of my fingertips and so is my … So why not enjoy them together?
In times before the pandemic, I had cyber-sexual experiences with multiple people at once, but never quite like this. Because of the free time that came with being socially distanced at home, the boredom and unsatisfied sex drive became a chronic, shooting pain. With the empty hours and nothing pressing to do, I needed to fill them somehow. Armed with the impending notion that the world might be ending, I thought I might as well explore a variety of people for my enjoyment.
There were no expectations or commitments anymore, and COVID-19 stood in the way of developing new relationships in person. I’ve never had an issue with the idea of polyamory or serial-dating. While I’ve been in monogamous commitments before, I found a different kind of fulfillment knowing I could experience intimacy with a variety of people who, when combined, suit my tastes best—without judgment. With these cyber-sex strangers, there were no grounds of monogamy established. During these nights, not much was exchanged outside of the provocative, keeping me excitedly awake.
Finding those who were looking for the same thing was not hard, as many in my age range are looking for the same kind of non-monogamous play. The obvious hunting grounds are the dating apps that I can say, with absolute certainty, all of you have downloaded during at least a week-long phase.
Bumble was my mainstage and surprisingly didn’t disappoint. I know Tinder might’ve been what you were thinking as the classic hookup app, but when it comes to the art of sext and seduction, Bumble users have been masterful in contrast to the basic nude requests I’d expect on Tinder.
However, some of these sex buddies came out of the most unpredictable contexts, particularly Facebook and school group chats. If you’re not looking for it, sometimes you find love in unexpected places.
The same goes for kinky shit. Large-scale dating groups or mutual friends will creep up on you and might just become your next online sexting buddy. As for the school group chats, well … I can’t explain that one. In my case, I clicked with some fellow peers. With each one, we took the chemistry back to my “room”—in this case, a private text chat.
Having about a dozen options to choose from at a time made the experience an exhilarating one. I was like a kid in a candy store; while cliché, it’s achingly true. Most of these individuals more or less matched my spirit in sensuality and openness, but if some were giving more of what I wanted than others on a specific night, I had the freedom to explore my attraction to those few instead.
A searing passion that’s shared with a single partner may seem like the leading ingredient in delicious cyber-sex, but I simply don’t feel that way. Freedom is my aphrodisiac. I’m not expecting to find a life-long commitment at this point in my life, so the opportunity for multi-partnered satisfaction from my bedroom is a powerful one.
My overall emotional health during lockdown increased tremendously as a result of this choice. If you’re the kind of person who can be intimate and exposed to multiple partners at once, I encourage you to ease into it cyber-style and try it out. Explore what you feel is right for you and decide the kind of boundaries you want to set for yourself.
Featured graphic by Lily Inskip-Shesnicky.
