As I paced around my cluttered room hyperventilating and struggling to keep my balance, it hit me all at once.
Two weeks before, I had been healthy, happy, and free. At this moment, all of that was gone.
It didn’t have to be this way. A positive COVID-19 test did not have to become a low point of my life. However, the patronizing and alienating treatment I received from Carleton University transformed a bad situation into a living nightmare.
I understand that Carleton worked to balance the well-being of both myself and our community. I cannot even begin to comprehend the complexity of managing my situation, especially amidst constantly changing instructions. Nevertheless, I hope that by publicly discussing my negative experience as a student with COVID-19 under their care, they can better manage the physical and mental health of future cases.
One question that will haunt me for years to come is how I contracted COVID-19. I’ve come to accept that I will simply never know in the blur of my first week of university. I tried to be careful, and though I wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I did avoid large gatherings and parties as was recommended by the provincial government at the time.
Following the news of my positive result, I was notified that since my roommates had tested negative, I would have to move out of our suite. It was a reasonable and expected request. However, the expectation that I could drop everything and pack in a few hours midweek was not.
Five minutes into packing, I got the call that I would get to stay in my suite in order to avoid the negative effects of total isolation, the rationale being that my roommates had likely already contracted the virus from being in close proximity to me, and had been tested too soon to yield a positive result.
Imagine my surprise when I received yet another call barely a day later, telling me the decision had been overturned and I would have to move the next day.
By that point, my symptoms had taken a turn for the worse, now ranging from mid-range inconveniences like losing my sense of taste to more severe symptoms like lightheadedness and chest pains.
Residence services asked me to provide a two-hour window for the move, arriving on the dot of the first hour I had offered in availability. The previous day, I had pushed through my symptoms and had packed most of my items, but had not quite finished. Forty minutes into our time slot, I asked for five minutes to finish doing the dishes I was going to bring.
I was bluntly informed that this moving process was already taking longer than expected and that I needed to “hurry up.”
My impending loneliness hit me as I bid goodbye to my suitemates—an interaction that was cut off by a Carleton employee after informing me that there was “no time for this.”
My mental and physical health was Carleton’s priority until it inconvenienced them in any way. Apparently, a simple 30-second farewell with one of my closest friends was too much of a nuisance for them.
It was that moment that finally broke me. Once I moved into my new dorm, I sat in my empty suite on the brink of tears. I was sick, I was alone, and to Carleton—a school that had assured me of its dedication to my well-being—I was a burden.
My week alone was rife with ineffable lows. Losing power for over 10 hours and watching my few connections to the outside world run out of battery, experiencing panic attacks in my dark (and at one point power-free room), sobbing so loudly I was concerned that I would keep my neighbours up—all of these things could have been avoided had the school taken empathy as seriously as they took ‘safety.’
I was trapped in the jail cell of my new suite, completely alone. The closest thing to human interaction for that week was the occasional knock on my door that let me know my food had arrived—food that on more than one occasion was inedible for me.
Since arriving at Carleton, I became used to the limited rotating menu of hit or miss vegan options available at The Caf—my only dietary restriction.
While in isolation, the inability of Dining Services to prepare meals I could eat was made abundantly clear when on my second morning of self-isolation I received little else but scrambled eggs for breakfast, after already having received a non-vegan meal the previous day for lunch.
Carleton attempted to rectify the situation by taking notes on my concerns and even sending me an apology note with a $25 Tim Hortons gift card which I deeply appreciated, but there were still no improvements in my dining options.
Having received non-vegan meals more times than I could count, I became accustomed to skipping meals, unable to eat the non-vegan and repetitive food provided.
I knew I had to nourish my ill body, but on an average day, I was down to eating a total of half a meal, starving myself on the food provided. In only two weeks, my weight plummeted, putting me a mere two pounds away from being classified as underweight.
The disappointing lack of regard for my physical and mental health at the school concerns me, and is something I brought to the attention of administration several times. Though Carleton did offer to put me in contact with a campus counsellor, which I declined, deeming it both unnecessary due to the poor reputation of Carleton’s counselling services. However, that was the only expression of concern for my mental health during this difficult time.
By opening up residence to students, a COVID-19 outbreak was an eventuality. The vilification of students who have tested positive by university administrators led me to realize almost immediately that the only person continually advocating for my well-being was going to have to be me.
When people learn that I’ve had COVID-19, they are curious about the physical impacts—both short-term and long-term. Weeks after recovering, while my physical health has returned to normal, unfortunately, my mental health has not.
Any prior feelings of worthlessness and loneliness have been exacerbated. While it only took two weeks for me to recover physically, the mental scars will take much longer to fully heal.
Featured graphic from file.
