My boyfriend and I met at school. He lives on the other side of the country, so long distance over the summer was inevitable. What we didn’t expect was being thrust into the depths of long distance months ahead of schedule, with little to no warning or preparation, when school shut down due to COVID-19.
I miss my friends, but being away from the person I want to hug most is different. Being away from my boyfriend showed me the significant role physical touch plays in my romantic relationship, which I hadn’t noticed until now.
I had never felt romantic love before my current partner, so I had no idea what long distance would be like. Now that I’m in the thick of it, I understand the yearning portrayals of long distance relationships I’ve seen in movies. It is difficult because I want to hold my partner, but if anything, it has strengthened our emotional bond.
My boyfriend and I have shown each other our most vulnerable moments in self-isolation. We have come up with activities that we share only between the two of us, while supporting each other in pursuing our individual interests.
What we do to stay connected
At this point, my relationship is held together by FaceTime and Canada Post. And I’m not mad about it.
Own the virtual dating world
Every week my boyfriend and I chat over FaceTime. We plan occasional dinner dates which involve getting dressed up to eat together. We plan the dates a few days in advance around the time difference, and it helps to carve out time for each other and plan for when we see each other again.
I have enjoyed being able to dress up; going from sweatpants to a nice sundress has been a nice change of pace. You certainly won’t catch me complaining about seeing my partner dressed up in formal wear, he cleans up very well.
Count down the calendar and the distance
Celebrating milestones also helps us feel connected. On our last night in the same city we decided we would acknowledge monthly checkpoints. We send each other messages for monthly anniversaries, and call each other to acknowledge them when we can. This has served as a reminder that the time we spend apart is passing, which is especially helpful when every day in quarantine bleeds into the next.
Tangible gifts act as a reminder that distance isn’t forever
Finally, mailing physical reminders of each other really helps us put into perspective that we will see each other again. I sent him and his family some handmade masks. His mom is a doctor, and her papaya-printed PPE (for when she doesn’t need a full N95) should be arriving any day now.
I am currently writing this in a big black Carleton hoodie that smells like my partner, which serves as a temporary hug until I can see him again in person.
Long distance can make or break your relationship
As my mom says, “at least you know he’s not going to find anyone else in isolation.” She’s not wrong. My boyfriend’s dedication to making long distance work has shown me he feels the same about our relationship as me.
If anything, long distance has solidified my relationship with my boyfriend. It has shown me that our relationship is more than physical touch, and has confirmed that if we stay together through self-isolation, we’ll always have that as an accomplishment.
Featured graphic by Jillian Piper.
