Next to a dominatrix cage in the back room of a sex shop, a bra-less High Priestess of Divine Sexuality and Healing called Gaia taught me that life is better when you’re horny.
While perusing Wicked Wanda’s website, I came across a workshop called “Succulent Living; Practical tantra for everyday.” Tantra is the ancient practice of harnessing your sexual energy to invigorate and heal. The idea is that one is always in the moment, engaging all senses.
The most practiced tantrics can spend days in bed, writhing in orgasmic ecstasy, their entire bodies transformed into an erogenous zone. Needless to say, I was interested.
My two hours with Gaia were an absolute riot, but also the most enlightening sex education I’ve ever received. Along with two amigas, and a small, eclectic group of strangers, I embarked on a mini sexual revolution.
We started off with a cleansing Ojibwe smudging ceremony, then learned how to relax by “grounding our root chakra”. The root chakra is located in the genitals, and that bad boy is revved up by flexing the Kegel muscles (men have them, too).
As we grounded our chakras, we sent out energy that connected our bodies to the Earth. It’s meditation that is both relaxing and arousing. Then, we generated sexual energy and sent it around our bodies, getting randy without fantasy or physical stimulation.
I’m pretty convinced this isn’t bullshit.
Sitting on the tarmac before my flight home for reading week, I decided to do an energy circuit. Only using Kegel exercises and my mind, the slight vibration from the plane moving to the runway felt like I was joining the Mile High Club.
Later, after being thrown around by nauseating turbulence, I tried grounding my root chakra to chill out. It didn’t work, but at least I was turned on while holding back vomit. Now imagine applying that to self-exploration or sex with a partner.
Gaia also has a food fetish. I witnessed her spank a grown man with a package of frozen bacon. She passed around pieces of broccoli, which we then rubbed over our upper body. The texture is surprisingly delightful.
Apparently, vegetables have marvelous erotic potential. I will never look at an eggplant the same as I did when I was innocent and naïve.
We were told that grapes “catch orgasms.” Popping a couple grapes into the vagina amps up the orgasmic volume of self-play, according to Gaia. The fruit absorbs all the energy and pleasure from climax. There is no grape more delicious.
I’m not ready to try yet. For those who are, a word of warning from the High Priestess herself: count the grapes you use and do not put grapes in your anus. They will not be delicious, and could result in an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
Like I said — absolutely a riot.
Admittedly, a “tantra meets food fetish” workshop is a bit out there. Still, I whole-heartedly recommend that young people go out and learn about sexuality in a fun way.
Sex shops often host events where experts discuss oral sex, talking dirty, toys, food play, and other pervy pursuits. These workshops are usually cheap to begin with, but many also offer a student discount. Sure, you could read about a lot of this in Cosmopolitan or Men’s Health, but where’s the fun in that?
Grown up sex-ed is more than learning an outrageous blowjob technique or how to role-play or safely insert grapes into your body. It’s about discovering unknown desires and skills, all while beefing up our boudoir repertoire and having a time.
Being free to talk about sexuality openly is such a confidence booster, which along with communication and self-awareness, is key for a good romp in the sack.
In the back room of a sex shop, a delightfully bizarre sex goddess taught me how to be happy and horny, and aware of my senses. It doesn’t seem like much, but her lessons will stay with me forever.
