There seems to be a lot of confusion and misinformation regarding kink, and I don’t mean the type of kink you get in a garden hose. In my experience, the kink community is vastly different than the whip-yielding, scary people many associate with it. It is in fact full of caring people, who simply express love in different ways.

Here are some common myths about kink, debunked:

  1. People who do BDSM had a fucked-up childhood. Not necessarily. Just like all communities, there are of course some who have histories of abuse, but that is by no means everyone in kink. I, for example, had a wonderful childhood and turned out to be a submissive masochist. Try as I might, I can’t really find a link that would produce this result. If you interact with people in the kink community, you will realize that there are all sorts of people who—can you believe it—seem normal.
  2. It’s all about pain. Sadomasochism is only one part of BDSM and kink as a whole. There are many who do not partake in these activities, but are more interested in role-play, sensation-play, and domination and submission. In some cases, the main area of play is with the mind. Remember that all scenes, whether physical and/or mental, are carefully discussed between partners, considering all safety measures beforehand.
  3. It’s all about sex. What? Kink isn’t all about sex? No, actually. In many cases, it is simply about a power exchange or different sensations. What many consider sex doesn’t necessarily take place during a scene. While there is definitely sexual energy and sometimes release (orgasm), conventional sex is often not part of the action. A lot depends on the relationship between partners and again, what is discussed before. To put it simply, what is considered sex or sexual is often broader for those into kink. For myself, a good biting session is just as satisfying as being eaten out.
  4. It’s all about hate. I can see how people can come to this conclusion. You see someone being hit with a flogger, and you think—how could someone do that to another human? First of all, the intention is never to hit someone so that they are in agony. The point is to toe the line between pain and pleasure. Of course, this has to be something that you are into in order to enjoy it. Everyone has different concepts of what feels good, and this is no different. Playing with pain and pleasure releases endorphins, and results in a wonderful release. Again, I stress that this is not for everyone, and consent is mandatory.
  5. It’s just like 50 Shades of Grey. There are many problems with 50 Shades but the main one is that Christian Grey never gets Anastasia’s consent. He assumes she wants to be spanked, but never really discusses this before doing it. On top of this, he’s manipulative and ultimately a bad dom because he abuses his sub both physically and emotionally. The whole “show me how bad it can get” scene where Ana asks Christian to hit her the hardest is not ok. Limits are something to build, and one of the pillars of kink is that things only happen when both partners are sane, meaning that in moments of anger or being upset play and in particular impact play should not occur. Why? Because otherwise it is all too easy to seriously hurt someone when emotions are running high.

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