Hearing your partner moaning in bed can be pretty hot. The bed itself moaning? Not so much.
It’s a shame that financial and logistical constraints keep students from having access to well-oiled, solid-framed beds that are securely bolted to the floor away from walls. Until you have enough disposable income to invest in optimal sex furniture, you’ll probably have to deal with beds with varying levels of creakiness.
And if you’re as paranoid about neighbours hearing too much as I am, unintended noise can be distracting.
I’m all for exciting, loud rendez-vouses, and creaking sounds might not bug you—that’s cool, you do you (and whoever gives consent). Just remember that your roommates might not be down for the musical stylings of your secondhand Malm from IKEA.
But one of the many fun parts about sex is that there are infinite possibilities, many of which will not have your bed re-enacting the soundtrack for Psycho. Read ahead for some tips on getting down without your bed getting loud:
- Sex isn’t always P-in-V
The truth is that what many cisgender, heterosexual pairings consider foreplay doesn’t have to be foreplay. It’s like nachos: sure, it’s often eaten as an appetizer, but as an entrée it’s an incredibly satisfying meal. - The floor can be your friend
It’s much more stable than a bed and should drastically tone down unwanted noise. If you have hard flooring, I suggest at least laying down a quilt or two to add some cushioning for your backside. You should also be able to get away with carpet sex, but only if you’re prepared to deal with minor rug burn later. - Lay sideways on the bed
Spring-top mattress sounds are often decreased because they are designed for bodies laying down in the other direction. Just keep in mind that the limited space can make things uncomfy fast. - Try it against the wall
Unless there are large paintings hanging on the walls, you and your coital cohort will not make the wall disrupt anyone within a three-mile radius. - Learn what moves minimize bed noises and use them.
Sure, I’ve just given you some alternatives to getting down on your bed, but it doesn’t have to be vanquished forever just because its joints are a little rusty. Certain strokes make much less noise than others. Basically any movement that involves shifting back and forth instead of up and down should keep your bed quieter. Every bed and every body is different, so have some fun doing your own research.
