Tackling dyslexia head on

 

 

 

 

Even in elementary school I knew I was different. When my classmates had finished their assignments and were colouring, I was still sitting at my desk struggling to get through my work. Often I would sit and draw in the margins and pencil in designs on my eraser and wait for the bell to ring. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand the questions, or what was required of me. On the contrary, when I did hand in my assignments I earned As. It was just that I couldn’t focus. When the teacher spoke, her words became jumbled in the air between her mouth and my ears. When I read, the letters danced on the page and sometimes disappeared entirely. When I wrote, the words were invisible amorphous forms in my mind, not ordered letters spilling seamlessly from my pencil. 

 

Strangely enough, it wasn’t until my first year in university that I was actually diagnosed with dyslexia. Dyslexia is often misunderstood as a learning disability that makes reading difficult. While this is true, it impacts how all language information is perceived by the brain, coming in, or going out. For me, reading and speaking are easiest, while writing and listening are more difficult. 

 

Over the years I learned how to manage my “difference” as I called it at the time. I would guide myself with inner dialogue: Read the sentence once. Read it twice. Read it three times. Speak out loud – pause – did that make sense? Continue.  

 

For the more challenging task, I took an even more focused approach. When listening to what a professor is saying I repeat the sentence in my head. If I have understood it correctly then I can repeat it easily and write it down easily. If I haven’t, there is a gap, as if the world had been placed on mute for a few short seconds. My brain simply didn’t register the missing words. The busier my hands are, though, the better I can listen. When I am drawing I can translate the prof’s English language into the visual, non-linguistic world of my brain, and back again into my written notes. 

 

Writing requires a similar focus. I have to picture what I am saying, sometimes sketch it out in awkward, abstract shapes. I say it out loud, once, twice and again, refining it each time until it is ordered and concise. Once I have the sentence, to put it on paper I repeat it internally to keep the order straight. I write slowly and check each word to make sure it looks right, and fits its reassigned shape. What can I say? Spell check is a godsend. 

 

Dyslexia has certainly cost me time and energy, but it simply makes some things harder, not impossible. I’ve learned there is a big difference between the two, and I’m more than happy to sit in the space between.