When I came to university, on my first day, I got a frosh kit full of awesome goodies and free stuff along with every other freshman. My mom was organizing my move-in stuff when she noticed a pack of condoms in my frosh kit.
She looked up at me and said, “You won’t be needing these,” and threw them in the trash.
Whether this maneuver was meant for me to be abstinent or not, it got me thinking about the different attitudes people have towards sex in today’s society.
Take my good friend, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, for example. Dr. Kellogg originally invented Corn Flakes as part of a diet intended to promote sexual abstinence. He believed that spicy and hot foods encourage sexual appetites and that more dull and bland foods keep kids at bay until marriage. Think about that the next time you scoop up a mouthful of breakfast cereal.
So, then, how does our modern society perceive a woman who has casual sex with various partners? And what about women who chose to abstain from sex all together?
Let’s think back to earlier this summer when Toronto hosted its first SlutWalk after constable Michael Sanguinetti, a Toronto police officer, suggested that to remain safe and avoid rape, “women should avoid dressing like sluts.”
The accusation caused uproar in the feminist movement with women arguing that just because they are in charge of their sexual lives and their public appearance, it does not mean they are ‘sluts.’
When I asked one of my friends what he thought a slut was, he told me it was an attitude, not a number. I asked him what he would call a girl who has slept with a lot of guys . . . he said “experienced.”
I completely agree with him.
The term slut is overused. I would only call someone a slut if she valued her sexual promiscuity over friendship. People automatically assume and judge a girl who they see with many men.
For some, it’s a lifestyle choice, and as long as they’re safe in the bedroom and safe with people’s feelings, then there’s nothing wrong with it. Just because a woman gets around and has a high “kill count” does not mean we should automatically assume she is a slut.
In fact, I think sex can be seen as a power tool for women and they are the ones who decide when and how often they use it. An example would be the Greek play Lysistrata, an anti-war comedy where the women withhold sex from their husbands in order to end the war and bring peace.
Now think beyond the Susie Sluts to the Abstinent Annies. Who is abstaining from sex?
Some of my friends have never had sex, and some probably never will for various reasons, but mostly religious. Most of my friends who are still virgins say it was never a solid decision — they simply feel they have no other choice. They tell me no man has given them a reason to give it up, which I highly respect.
However, I feel that when you reach a certain point in a relationship with someone, you need to have that physical connection to reach the next level. I don’t know how my mom and others in her generation did it. I need to test drive the car before I put in the long-term investment.
Let’s try to keep the slut stamp of approval away from our friends who get around and start accepting and respecting everyone’s sexual decisions in life.
Editor’s note: Robin S. Cherry is not the author’s real name. It is an alias for a current Carleton undergraduate student.
