Carleton and University of Ottawa students at last week’s Pandamonium concert didn’t actually see Girl Talk, according to an anonymous source inside Carleton’s student union.
“We paid a homeless man 20 bucks to dance onstage for two and a half hours,” the source explained. “Plus we gave him all the leftovers from the green room. He was pretty happy about it.”
Popular mix-artist Gregg Gillis, better known by his stage name Girl Talk, was the headlining act at the annual concert, which was organized by Carleton and U of O’s student unions.
Girl Talk spokesperson Jesse Walters denied the American artist had ever played Pandamonium.
“Ottawa? Never heard of the place,” Walters said. “Is that somewhere near Seattle?”
Instead of the pioneering performer, the audience at Pandamonium actually watched sweaty, unshaven Jeremy Ruthers, 23, and of no fixed address, parade across the stage and play a battered laptop.
“It was a fun night,” Ruthers said. “Wait, who’s Girl Talk?”
The laptop, it has been revealed, simply had Girl Talk’s albums Feed the Animals and Night Ripper set on shuffle.
“He just had to hit play,” the source said. “The lights and smoke machine pretty much did the rest.”
Despite the bait-and-switch, students still said they enjoyed themselves.
“That wasn’t Girl Talk?” said second-year Carleton economics student Catherine Prada. “Honestly, I don’t even remember what he looked like.”
The organizers have refused to comment on the allegations. However, they have revealed that next year’s Pandamonium will feature Elvis and the Beatles.