Girl 1: How goes she know who I am?
Girl 2: Cause you made out with her brother.
———
Girl: I mean I have showered with lots of guys before and I don’t really mind it, but it’s awkward sometimes when there’s water and soap . . .
Guy: [silent]
———
Guy: Did she just say Chris Rock won the Nobel peace prize?
———
Guy: When I was young my parents told me a story to scare me away from
prostitutes. They said if I paid a prostitute I would wake up without my
large intestine. So I’ve stayed away from prostitutes. Because I quite
like my large intestine and I don’t think I’d be the same without it.
———
Girl 1: In the future, instead of cleansing my entire face in the morning,
I’m going to cleanse my entire body.
Girl 2: You mean, like, a shower?
———
Girl: Do you like Bloc Party at all?
Guy: Ummm . . . condisdering they’re one of the only left leaning parties in Canada, I’d say a little.
Girl: No I mean the band.
Prof: Is 2003 when the Conservatives came in?
Student: No, 2003 was Paul Martin.
Prof: Same thing.
Girl (on cellphone, with customer service): Look, she made the wrong mistake
when she didn’t enter my incorrect address.
Girl 1: You just need to lower standards more.
Girl 2: But they’re already sooooo low.
———
Girl: I have the feeling it wouldn’t be long or hard enough to ride.
Grad Student 1: What’s another word for bitchy?
Grad Student 2: Uh… critical?
———
Prof: Here’s the problem – I don’t think Canadian
studies actually exists any more. In the same way that Canada
doesn’t exist.
———
Student: How do I get my A- up to an A+?
Prof: Well, be smarter.
———
Prof: One of the joys of being a post modernist is you can invent words.
———
Student 1: So, what has changed since Canada’s golden age? What is
worse about the world we live in today?
Student 2: Neoliberals.
Student 3: Neoconservatives.
French Student: Americans!
American Student: The French!