Michael Kauffman asked the students at his workshop to finish the sentence “A real man is . . . ” without censoring themselves. Answers ranged from “rich” to “never wrong” to “a beer-drinking meat eater.”
Kauffman wrote all of the answers down and drew a box around them. He told the students that society expects men to fit into this “box” no matter how unrealistic it is.
A lot of violence in society, especially against women, happens when men try to meet these expectations, Kauffman said.
“If you try to fit obsessively into the box, it can lead to violence,” he told the audience.
This was the central theme at Kauffman’s “Man Talk,” held at Carleton Oct. 16.
Throughout the presentation Kauffman, a specialist in gender equality, explained how men need to change the way they think about themselves if violence against women is ever going to end.
“It’s when we get trapped in the box that we have problems,” he said.
The event was organized by Carrolyn Johnston, Carleton’s new equity advisor and co-ordinator of sexual assault services, members of the Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women, the Sexual Assault Network of Ottawa, and Careton and University of Ottawa students.
Johnston said the workshop, her first project in the new position, was a good way to engage students on the topic. She said it was especially important given the recent sexual assaults on campus.
“Too often sexual assault is hidden in the shadows of society,” she said.
She added this particular workshop was good because it engaged men on the subject.
“The reality is we need male allies,” she said.
The atmosphere of Kauffman’s presentation was relaxed and comfortable, and he joked with students throughout the workshop.
He also had moments where he was very blunt, especially when talking to the men in the audience.
“I don’t want to see a woman or another man hurt by your actions,” he told the students.
Johnston said Kauffman’s style helped get the message across without making anyone uncomfortable. She noted it even allowed some male students to ask questions about their own experiences.
“We don’t want them to feel they are under attack and to become defensive,” she said. “The humour helps to put people more at ease with the subject.”
Ron Couchman, a third-year student at Carleton, said he had been to one of Kauffman’s workshops before.
He said it had really changed the way he thought about violence against women. He said he felt Kauffman’s approach was effective because he actually engages youth and makes them think. Couchman added he felt it was very important for men to get involved.
“I’m here to be part of the resolution rather than part of the problem,” he said.
Johnston said the event went well and she hopes to do more like it in the future.
“I see this as a starting place,” she said.