Sex blog: Is oral sex demeaning to women?

I’m privy to a lot of insightful, hilarious, and absolutely outrageous stories concerning sexuality. Sometimes I solicit this information, other times I really don’t want to know, but hear it anyway. But in all my years of eavesdropping, prodding, and nattering never have I been so shocked as the night Amelia* revealed that her
boyfriend refuses blowjobs.

“Rob* doesn’t want me to go down on him, he thinks it’s demeaning,” she said, surrounded by a small gaggle of broads, all huddled around a package of Chips Ahoy and a vanilla scented candle.

This statement was made after the regaling of a very unfortunate queef incident during 69. But Amelia’s admission caused more amazement.

I’m fully aware that there are some who aren’t comfortable with sticking their face in and around the deepest, darkest crevasses of the body. But I’ve always assumed that oral sex (both fellatio and cunnilingus) is a standard sexual act that nobody could reasonably oppose.

Modern pop culture and art has done much to normalize and even celebrate oral sex, the obvious icons being the 1972 film Deep Throat, and Sex and the City. Lil Wayne’s Lollipop was named 2008’s best-selling digital single worldwide and won a Grammy for Best Rap Song that same year (whatever haters, I still jam to that song).

John Updike, two-time Pulitzer winner wrote “Fellatio”, an absolutely beautiful poem that describes secretaries taking “fountains into their mouths”. Totally awesome.

Despite this, the idea that it is demeaning for women to consensually perform oral sex on men persists in modernity. It comes from radical feminist thought, which seeks to dismantle patriarchy both in institutions and sexuality.

Therefore many radical feminists take issue with pornography, BDSM, stripping, and even blowjobs because they glorify male domination.

I’ve always thought it ironic that, while the intention is to emancipate women from patriarchal domination, this kind of thought actually makes women subservient to sexual morality. This has repressed women for centuries.

It’s reminiscent of the ancient notion that there are some sexual acts a man would ask only of a prostitute; thus no respectable woman should perform them.

According to Gaia Morrissette, founder of Succulent Living, oral sex as part of foreplay or a stand alone sexual activity creates intimacy and connection.

“[Oral sex is] a great way of receiving pleasure, and when you are giving oral sex you give the gift of pleasure,” says Morrissette. “As far as sexual acts go, it’s very beautiful because we are surrendering and selflessly giving. There is a trust and intimacy that should be the base of all sexual experiences.”


*name changed for privacy